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This tag is associated with 67 posts

Who Moved My Zzzzzz?

It had come to my attention that, every morning, someone was replacing my regular bed with a more comfortable bed just before my alarm clock went off. If this were not bad enough, they were also moving time forward 14 minutes, exactly one minute after I pushed the snooze button for 15 more minutes of … Continue reading

A Day Filled With Zombies And Robots

I was at one of those party supply stores when a most peculiar thing happened. I had to get to some paper plates.  They happened to be right in front of what I presumed to be a sales clerk who was stocking the shelves.  I kind of made my way over there making it apparent … Continue reading

Abraham Lincoln Endorses Our Book

We were thrilled to receive this endorsement for ‘Diary Of A Mad Ex-President’ available now for your e-reader on Amazon for just under $1. Dear Americans, It’s me! Abraham Lincoln! One of the presidents! The one who freed the slaves and put a man on the moon for looking at him wrong. Yup, that’s the … Continue reading

These Cookies Taste Like Donuts

“These cookies taste like doughnuts”. Those were the only words written on the scrap of paper she had clutched in her hand. She lay there in a slinky red dress that was too tight in all the weird places. One would have thought she was sleeping if they didn’t notice the smeared mascara, the knife … Continue reading

9 Classic Movies That Could Be Ruined With A One Minute Change

There are hundreds of films that could be considered works of art.  However, like adding a moustache to Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa, or a parrot to the shoulder of  Michelangelo’s David, classic films could be ruined with a simple one minute change. Here are 9 examples: The Godfather – The final scene. Michael Corleone closes … Continue reading

How I May Have, Once Again, Made Things Worse For Justin Bieber

Over the weekend, I was contacted by Justin Bieber’s people.  They informed me that their client is under investigation for reckless driving after speeding through his neighborhood during memorial day. They had heard that I moonlight as a ghostwriter for celebrities in crisis(Tom Cruise, Kristen Stewart, Nicki Minaj ,Justin Timberlake, Selena Gomez, Psy) and asked … Continue reading

My Underappreciated Commencement Address

A few weeks back, I received an email from the President of my alma mater, asking if I would deliver this year’s commencement address. I called the dean immediately to accept. He informed me that the email was sent by mistake and had been intended for the much more famous MSU alum Magic Johnson. I … Continue reading

AOAP Twitter Theater Presents: Hamlet, Scene 1 in Tweets

If there’s one complaint every single critic has about Hamlet, it’s that the play is too wordy. Luckily, today, thanks to the power of Twitter, we can see what the play would be like, if the characters had smart phones and each line of dialogue was reduced to 140 characters or less. As you can … Continue reading

How To Tell Blogger’s Mental State From The Blog They Write

Recently, the Army of Awesome People wrote the manual on how to determine the blogger’s line of work from the appearance of the blog.  And now you can even tell the blogger’s mental state or disorder from the blog they write, or how they behave on your blog.  Here are few examples: 1)  Narcissism: Every … Continue reading

How To Determine The Blogger’s Line Of Work From The Blog They Write

Many people who write blogs keep their real name secret for one reason or the other. However, sometimes you can guess the profession of a blogger from the appearance of the blog they write. Here’s how: Dry Cleaner: The blog is always Freshly Pressed. Mortgage Broker: Everything on the blog is in small print. Cult Leader: Clicking … Continue reading

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