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This tag is associated with 67 posts

8 Signs That Magicians Find You Boring

If you’re like me, you often find yourself locked in conversation with magicians.  But, have you ever stopped to ask yourself, is this individual actually interested in what I have to say? More often than not, the answer is no. Here are 7 signs that you are boring a magician: -During your conversation, he disappears … Continue reading

My Idea For The Sequel To ‘Gravity’ – Or – Gravity II – Or Gravity TWO

EXT. SPACE – NIGHT The scene picks up right where GRAVITY (part 1) left off; with George Clooney tumbling, shipless, through space.                                    GEORGE CLOONEY (screaming) Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnndra!!!! I’ll get you!!! Whoaaaaaa!!!!!!!                Pull back to reveal George is careening towards a planet. George turns back and notices this.  He begins paddling his arms frantically, as … Continue reading

A Hero For Everyone

Let’s face it people, the city is in turmoil and Batman isn’t getting any younger.  It is time to find a new superhero to take the reins.  I will be the first to throw my hat into the ring. (I’m gonna need that back, though) Let me begin by telling you about my powers.  I … Continue reading

One Paragraph Essay: The Time I fell Off The Grand Canyon

I will never forget the time that I fell off of the Grand Canyon.  First of all, that morning the coffeemaker malfunctioned and splattered coffee all over my brand new shirt.  Second, on my way to the Grand Canyon, my tire blew out.  And finally, when I did get to the park, prices had gone up … Continue reading

Killing Him Kindly

If I were a murderer, I think my weapon of choice would be kindness.  I would find a homeless person and take him to a nice 5 course dinner.  After that, we would go dancing and cap off the night with a handsome cab ride through central park. Soon enough, he would be lying face … Continue reading

The Halloween When I Was Chased By The Headless Horseman

I’ll never forget the Halloween when I was chased by the Headless Horseman. He finally tackled me at the 30 yard line. “Who is this guy?!” our quarterback Pete yelled at the refs.  “Illegal substitution!” Apparently the Headless Horseman didn’t like Pete’s argument because he grabbed Pete by the facemask and drew his sword.  Yellow … Continue reading

5 Ways People Are Using The Word ‘Event’ To Trick You

Over the weekend, I was shopping at a large warehouse store. I don’t want to get into which one, I’ll just say it wasn’t Costco.  For anonymity’s sake, let’s just give it a man’s name.  How about Sam.  Also, instead of a store, let’s just refer to it as something else.  Let’s call it a … Continue reading

Studio Rejects My Insidious: Chapter 2 Script

With the film ‘Insidious: Chapter 2’ hitting number one at the box office this weekend, I can’t help but feel a little bittersweet.  You see, I was originally set to write this film.  However, as you can see from the below notes on my script, studio executives were anything but pleased with my work. p. 1 … Continue reading

10 Reasons For The Rise In Bear Attacks

Bear attacks have been on the rise in 2013.  Scientists have been baffled as to why.  Below are ten likely reasons: -Not enough positive influences in the forest. -Resurgence of gangsta rap, which glorifies violence while minimizing consequences -They suspect we may have weapons of mass destruction -Trying to get their own week on the discovery … Continue reading

That’s What She (Actually) Said

I’m pretty sure all Americans either say, “That’s what she said,” or hear the phrase about a googooplex times a day. I’ve found, however, that when people say “that’s what she said” it more often than not turns out that “she” didn’t say anything like that. So, I went to the local Cracker Barrel to conduct … Continue reading

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