If I live to be a million, I don’t think that I’ll ever understand women. Wait, not women – how I lived to be a million!
When I have finally departed from this world, I hope that I can be remembered for one thing. I wish to be remembered as that guy who was always hoping to be remembered for something. And that I liked falcons.
Yesterday I “accidently” knocked off a bottle of sunscreen lotion from the counter. The bottle flipped over and the cap of the lotion got caught between the bottom drawer and middle drawer, making the bottle stick out horizontally. I told Sara that it was worth at least 50 points. Unfortunately she didn’t seem to think so.
As I was walking down the street today, I came upon a farmer on the side of the road selling peaches from a stand. “Sell any peaches today?” I asked, “Not a one,” he sighed, depressed. “You’re in a college town,” I replied. “Let me show you how to move peaches.” I picked up a … Continue reading
Whenever someone tells me that I’ve “changed,” I usually sit them down and show them a video about the caterpillar and how if it didn’t “change” it would never become the beautiful monarch butterfly. Then I put in a video of me, wearing nothing but a cape.