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This tag is associated with 38 posts

Got Raptured This Week

So like a lot of people, I got raptured this week. Actually, to be honest with you, I didn’t get raptured so much as I grabbed onto the leg of someone I saw getting raptured. Man, that was a long trip up, especially with all of the kicking that guy did.  I was pretty banged … Continue reading

Killing Him Kindly

If I were a murderer, I think my weapon of choice would be kindness.  I would find a homeless person and take him to a nice 5 course dinner.  After that, we would go dancing and cap off the night with a handsome cab ride through central park. Soon enough, he would be lying face … Continue reading

The Time I Really Offended The Blair Witch

Perhaps my most terrifying investigation took place as my partner and I were looking into the disappearance of three young filmmakers who went missing while shooting a documentary on the legend of the Blair Witch.  After months of no leads, hikers had stumbled upon the trio’s video tape.  Its contents were horrifying. “I don’t know how much more … Continue reading

The Late Night Adventures Of My Smartphone

Did you ever notice that sometimes you leave a fully charged phone in the evening, only to see in the morning that the battery is totally drained? Apparently, just because you’re not actually using the phone, it doesn’t mean that your phone isn’t working hard. So here’s probably what your smartphone does at night while … Continue reading

Few Things You Can Tell About The Truck Driver From The Stickers On His Truck

Anyone who ever spent more than 45 seconds driving, had driven behind a truck. And anyone who drove at least 45 seconds behind a truck, must have noticed a few standard safety decals at the back of the truck. Theoretically, these decals are supposed to promote safety, but sometimes you can also learn something about … Continue reading

Running Through The Sprinkler

As I ran through the sprinkler I felt a sharp pain, like a thousand needles pounding through my skin.  Then I realized, it wasnt a sprinkler I ran through, but instead, a plate glass window

The Pointenator

Yesterday I “accidently” knocked off a bottle of sunscreen lotion from the counter.  The bottle flipped over and the cap of the lotion got caught between the bottom drawer and middle drawer, making the bottle stick out horizontally. I told Sara that it was worth at least 50 points.  Unfortunately she didn’t seem to think so.

Student Finds Amount of Stupid Questions “Staggering” in Class He Wants To Get Out Of Soon

I was always told, time and time again, that there are no “stupid” questions.  Well I am sitting here right now hoping against hope to get out of this lecture early, because I have a bunch of stuff I have to do, and the questions will not stop. Sure, I was kind of wondering about … Continue reading

The time my pet monkey didn’t take well to the new dog

A few years back, I decided to purchase a dog. I had been hesitant in this decision, unsure of how it would affect my pet monkey, Chip Dip.  I didn’t want him to feel any jealousy, or as if my attention would now be focused on the new pet. After much consideration and after some … Continue reading

But He Gets Great FM Reception

I was cleaning out my basement and you’ll never believe what I found.  37 cents, that’s what!  I knew you wouldn’t believe me, as I stated above. So what’s the deal with this whole “myspace” thing.  I hear it’s pretty popular with the kids.  How do I get on it?  It all seems a little … Continue reading

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