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holidays

This tag is associated with 10 posts

How My Pet Monkey Ruined New Years

As the new year approaches, I cannot help but think of a fateful New Year’s Eve past, spent by the fireplace with my pet monkey, Chip Dip.  For the longest time, we just sat quietly in our respective arm chairs, he in his smoking jacket and I in my robe, privately reflecting on the past, present and future, … Continue reading

The Horrible, Horrible Time Brad Pitt Came To My Halloween Party

Over the weekend, actor Brad Pitt and I attended the same Halloween party. Being as how I’ve already seen Brad Pitt in person several times, first, when he filmed a movie at my office , again when he worked out at my gym, another time at the coffee shop, at the gas station, at the beach, … Continue reading

The Halloween Contest

I thought I had this year’s Halloween costume contest in the bag. I went as a modern version of 19th U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes, if he was younger and looked different. I lost, however, to someone dressed as a slutty Shel Silverstein. “Since when did Halloween become less about spooky and more about provocative?” I  … Continue reading

7 Crappy Holidays In January

I’ve always felt that January sucks as a month. After the holiday-filled month of December, January seems to be a let-down.  This year, I did some research, and indeed there are a number of little-known holidays within January.  Unfortunately, they all suck too.  Here’s why: National Volunteer Blood Donor Month – This terrifies me, in … Continue reading

10 problems with the first draft of the “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” TV Special

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” has been a TV Christmas classic for the past 47 years.  It is one of the longest running holiday specials, but as you are about to see, the show almost never got the approval needed to make it to air.  Just in time for the holidays, we got our hands on … Continue reading

The Very First Thanksgiving, Or So Is My Understanding

“Land ho!” That shout, a welcome relief for the passengers of the Mayflower, after months at sea. “Onward ho!” shouted General George Washington. “Oh, you want us to keep heading towards the land? You don’t want us to turn around and head back to England?” the ship’s Captain asked, sarcastically. “Absolutely not!” Washington, not yet able to recognize … Continue reading

The Halloween When I Was Chased By The Headless Horseman

I’ll never forget the Halloween when I was chased by the Headless Horseman. He finally tackled me at the 30 yard line. “Who is this guy?!” our quarterback Pete yelled at the refs.  “Illegal substitution!” Apparently the Headless Horseman didn’t like Pete’s argument because he grabbed Pete by the facemask and drew his sword.  Yellow … Continue reading

How Secret Santa Made My Coworker Hate Me

Secret Santa may be a popular tradition around the holidays, but for me, it’s one that has caused my co-worker, Tad, to have a lot of animosity towards me. It all began a year ago, I had drawn Tad’s name out of a hat. “Has anyone seen my name card?” Tad started asking around. “I … Continue reading

The Frustrated Pilgrim

If you’re a pilgrim woman, probably the most frustrating thing is when you’re out with a guy and he tries to get you to unbuckle his hat on the first date.

CONSUMER ALERT: Beware of candy canes that double as actual canes

Candy Canes, a German based cane company, founded by Herr Pfefferminze, is in a taste of trouble. With a seemingly brilliant idea, Candy Canes, more or less a fly-by-night company, set up operations this December to benefit from the holiday season to capitalize on merry spenders. There have been reports of the people falling all … Continue reading

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