This tag is associated with 23 posts

10 More Plans for When I’m a Ghost

I have always been interested in the idea of an afterlife. I often find myself tuning into television shows depicting “terrifying” hauntings.  After a few minutes though, I find myself dozing off.  Why?  These ghosts spend an infinite amount of time haunting people in a boring, clichéd manner.  It takes a lot more than a … Continue reading

The Time My Pet Monkey Ruined Christmas Eve

Some years ago, a girl I was dating had asked for a very popular and hard to come by pair of jeans for Christmas.  I had searched store, after store, after store trying to track down just one pair, to no avail. Christmas Eve was finally upon us and I had to opt for a … Continue reading

Studio Rejects My ‘Life Of Pi’ Script

As the film ‘Life of Pi’ continues to do well at the box office, I cannot help but look at its success and wonder ‘what if.’ You see, I was actually asked by Fox to adapt the novel into a screenplay. Unfortunately, studio executives were not pleased with what I gave them.  Below are their … Continue reading

Instant Crickets

Last weekend, during a visit to the flea market, I came upon a bizarre booth, run by an old Gypsy man.  There were all sorts of curious items laid out on the table, including a peculiar box. “How much for this?” I inquired. “Oh, no, I couldn’t sell that,” he replied in a cynical, raspy … Continue reading

In Remembrance Of Some Guy

When I have finally departed from this world, I hope that I can be remembered for one thing.  I wish to be remembered as that guy who was always hoping to be remembered for something. And that I liked falcons.

The Frustrated Snake Charmer

I bet probably the most frustrating thing for a snake charmer is when you’re about to begin the snake charming process and some idiot in a sports car drives by blasting snake charming music that is way too fast and your snake bolts up to the lid of the basket and is knocked unconscious.

The Hawk That Follows Me Around And Highlights My Mistakes

When I was about fifteen years old, I woke up to hear a strange sound coming from the backyard. I went out to investigate, only to find a baby hawk, injured.  It had fallen from the tree above and what appeared to be the bird’s mother was tending to it. I watched for a couple … Continue reading

The Stranger in the Desert

I stumbled forward in the hot sand.  Each step further scorched my feet.  The sun beat down upon my face like a hammer.  My mouth was dry, my lips were parched.  I collapsed to the ground.  I knew this would be my last day in the desert. Suddenly, a cool soothing relief came over me.  … Continue reading

The time my pet monkey didn’t take well to the new dog

A few years back, I decided to purchase a dog. I had been hesitant in this decision, unsure of how it would affect my pet monkey, Chip Dip.  I didn’t want him to feel any jealousy, or as if my attention would now be focused on the new pet. After much consideration and after some … Continue reading

A Letter To A Horrible Flamingo Who Discovered A Talking Frog

In my recent travels through the World Wide Web (the internet), I came upon a web site featuring a device that spits out story assignments at random.  Being as how I am completely out of ideas, I decided to give this mechanism a shot.  My critics will be quick to point out that this web site … Continue reading

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 4,306 other followers

Divided and/or Conquered

  • 156,203 hits

Tweet The Army

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.