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Jason Gooley

Thank you for your interest in me. Where do I start? Well, I guess I'm made up of about the average amount of cells. Let's see...2 arms, 2 legs...Yeah that sounds like me.
Jason Gooley has written 69 posts for Army Of Awesome People

Happy President’s Day Eve

A while back, you may have read that I was seeking a patent for smithereens.  While this may be a bold-faced lie, it also might not be. Now that we have that cleared up…….Happy President’s Eve!!!!  While not my favorite holiday, I get paid pretty well to work it.  And, on that day alone, they pay … Continue reading

10 Still Relevant Tips On Dating

Now I may have been out of the game for the last decade or so, but I can still offer some great dating advice. I can’t imagine that much has changed since I was last on the scene. Here are some quick tips that you might want to keep in your back pocket, if you … Continue reading

A Hero For Everyone

Let’s face it people, the city is in turmoil and Batman isn’t getting any younger.  It is time to find a new superhero to take the reins.  I will be the first to throw my hat into the ring. (I’m gonna need that back, though) Let me begin by telling you about my powers.  I … Continue reading

The Lonesome Road

The weary traveller had seen many things in his long, long journey but none compared to the sight of that cabin on the hill with an inviting plume of smoke coming from it’s stone chimney. As the traveller approached the front door, he was greeted by an old soul, the owner of the cabin.  “Folks call … Continue reading

Killing Him Kindly

If I were a murderer, I think my weapon of choice would be kindness.  I would find a homeless person and take him to a nice 5 course dinner.  After that, we would go dancing and cap off the night with a handsome cab ride through central park. Soon enough, he would be lying face … Continue reading

My 3 Favorite Christmas Traditions

As I reflect on Christmas’ of yesteryear, I fondly envision the traditions, tried and true, that occupy my mind on these chilly winter nights.  It puts me in a mood that makes me feel drunk with sentiments and warms my soul. It helps me realize just how little clothes I have on while I’m standing … Continue reading

AOAP EXCLUSIVE: A one-on-one interview with the internet

Recently I had a chance to sit down with one of the most connected entities out there, The Internet.  With its tendency to talk to much after throwing back a few to its well-meaning intrusions into your personal lives, The Internet gets down to the 1’s and 0’s of it all. Jason Gooley:  Thank you. … Continue reading

Sinking Like A Bronze Balloon

He couldn’t believe that he was at the Olympics.  And what’s more is that this dive could win him the gold medal.  He only had to concentrate.  If he executed this dive correctly, his name would go down in history. “CANNONBALL!!!!” the diver screamed at the top of his lungs.  He then plummeted through the … Continue reading

A Day Filled With Zombies And Robots

I was at one of those party supply stores when a most peculiar thing happened. I had to get to some paper plates.  They happened to be right in front of what I presumed to be a sales clerk who was stocking the shelves.  I kind of made my way over there making it apparent … Continue reading

These Cookies Taste Like Donuts

“These cookies taste like doughnuts”. Those were the only words written on the scrap of paper she had clutched in her hand. She lay there in a slinky red dress that was too tight in all the weird places. One would have thought she was sleeping if they didn’t notice the smeared mascara, the knife … Continue reading

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