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Satire

A Hero For Everyone

Let’s face it people, the city is in turmoil and Batman isn’t getting any younger.  It is time to find a new superhero to take the reins.  I will be the first to throw my hat into the ring. (I’m gonna need that back, though)

Let me begin by telling you about my powers.  I have been known to lift up to and including 100 pounds right over my head.  This skill will come in handy when dealing with thugs that are of the age of 7.  This may sound insignificant but a recent study showed that 85% of thugs were 7 at one time.  Some were even younger.

I also want to hit on my costume.  Since you needed my hat for whatever reason, I will have to go without one.  I thought about tights but nobody wants to see that, so I have decided on mid-seventeenth century garb, powdered wig and all.  It won’t just be any powder though.  It will be Gold Bond Medicated Powder.  What do you think of that?

Lastly, I would like to point out what intolerances I have:  Bugs would have to be at the top of the list.  I will not tolerate them.  Also the Dutch.

Thank you for your time and I hope to see you at the primary’s.  If you could bring me a sandwich at that time, it would be greatly appreciated.  We don’t have sandwiches in the seventeenth century.

This message was paid for by the Federalist Party.

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About Jason Gooley

Thank you for your interest in me. Where do I start? Well, I guess I'm made up of about the average amount of cells. Let's see...2 arms, 2 legs...Yeah that sounds like me.

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