The Horrible, Horrible Time Brad Pitt Came To My Halloween Party

Over the weekend, actor Brad Pitt and I attended the same Halloween party. Being as how I’ve already seen Brad Pitt in person several times, first, when he filmed a movie at my office , again when he worked out at my gym, another time at the coffee shop, at the gas station, at the beach, at the grocery store, while shopping on Black Friday , at company’s holiday party, at a Habitat For Humanity Project I had been working on, at the movie theater and at a pizzeria where I had stopped,  the experience was no big deal. However, I knew the ladies would be upset that they missed seeing this ‘Hollywood Hunk.’ Therefore, I kept the following journal, carefully detailing my experience so they would feel as if they were there:

Dear Ladies,

As you may have heard, actor Brad Pitt and I attended the same Halloween party.  I have to say, you didn’t miss much.

First of all, when he arrived he announced “I’ve brought a ‘plus one'” and then released a wild raccoon inside the house.

Pitt told the host that he had brought a bottle of wine.  When the host thanked him and tried to take it, he shouted “not for you!”

Whenever another guest would arrive, Pitt would ask if he could take their jacket.  He then found a washing machine, dumped the coats inside, wrote the ‘shrink’ in permanent marker next to the settings and then set the washer to that mark.

There was a guy dressed as a burglar and Pitt must have called the cops on him at least three times

Pitt kept telling people that he was “the vampire from ‘Interview With A Vampire,’ only a little older with shorter hair.”  When people asked if that’s what his costume was supposed to be, he said “oh, this is supposed to be a costume party?”

Pitt grabbed some guy’s hat and started going around “collecting money for World War Z Veterans.”  After he had collected the cash, he left and returned a short time later wearing a brand new shirt with the price tag attached.  And on the price tag, Pitt had hand written three digits in front of the price to make it look like he had spent much more than he had.

Pitt apparently found the liquor cabinet and started passing out full cups of whiskey to people.  When a guy dressed as a mummy refused, Pitt grabbed a piece of the guy’s mummy wrappings, tied it around the ceiling fan blades and turned the fan on, only instead of unwrapping the guy, the fan came crashing down to the floor.

.Then he said “time to bob for apples!” and started whipping apples at people as hard as he could.

Pitt then shouted “TIME TO MONSTER MASH, YA’LL!” and jumped up on a table and started thrusting his hips violently.  A drunk guy jumped up and tried to join Pitt, but he pushed him off the table.

Pitt then leapt down, grabbed a megaphone and shouted “SPOILER ALERT.  THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS MONSTERS!” before grabbing the candy bowl and running away.

I do have to say that attending the same party as a big Hollywood star like Brad Pitt was pretty cool.