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Satire

7 Crappy Holidays In January

I’ve always felt that January sucks as a month. After the holiday-filled month of December, January seems to be a let-down.  This year, I did some research, and indeed there are a number of little-known holidays within January.  Unfortunately, they all suck too.  Here’s why:2013-calendar-january

National Volunteer Blood Donor Month – This terrifies me, in its implication that during the other months of the year, blood is not donated voluntarily.

National Thyroid Awareness Month – Does this really need an entire month?  If someone isn’t aware they have a thyroid, how long would it really take to convince them?

National Personal Self-Defense Month – This is redundant. ALL self-defense is personal, otherwise it wouldn’t be self-defense, it would just be you going around defending things, aka attacking people.

National Hug Day – You really put National Hug Day, a day in which you’re encouraged to walk up to strangers and wrap your arms around them, within the same month as National Personal Self-Defense Month?

National Glaucoma Awareness Month – If you can read that it’s National Glaucoma Awareness Month, you don’t need National Glaucoma Awareness Month.

Stalking Awareness Month – Do we really need to make people aware that stalking is an option? “Dude, girl doesn’t like you” “I know, that sucks, I guess I’ll have to move on.” “Wait, have you considered stalking her?”

National Poverty In America Awareness Month – If someone doesn’t know they’re poor, is it really a great idea to make them aware of it? Even worse, if they are aware of it, do they need reminding?

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About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

Discussion

30 thoughts on “7 Crappy Holidays In January

  1. I’m sorry . I haven’t been keeping up . Did they cancel national Booger Day ? Maybe that’s in March .

    Posted by Dan Hennessy | January 4, 2014, 12:46 am
  2. I would have said more in my previous comment, but it’s National Succinct Response Day.

    Posted by Ann Koplow | January 3, 2014, 6:43 pm
  3. Great post. Thanks!

    Posted by Ann Koplow | January 3, 2014, 6:41 pm
  4. Strangely convenient that Stalking Awareness month coincides with Personal Defense month. And that Personal Defense month coincides with Blood Donor month. And that Stalking Awareness month contains national Hug Day. This is very disturbing. Perverse forces are at work here. What does it all mean???

    Posted by cool web stuff | January 13, 2013, 9:53 pm
  5. And if you`re canadian, don`t forget it`s also Alzheimer`s Awareness Month. Fact.

    Posted by Carys | January 12, 2013, 2:21 am
  6. Perhaps we should consolidate: Defend Yourself Against Poor, Blind Stalkers Trying to Hug Your Thyroid by Donating Blood Day. And if we schedule it to land on, say, the fourth Saturday of the month, then I never need worry about having to attend a celebratory gradeschool presentation about its historical relevance that includes original songs and interpretive dance.

    Posted by Maximum Know-How | January 11, 2013, 4:36 pm
  7. You’re right! They do all suck. Not much to celebrate there, that’s for sure.

    Posted by cynthiadumarin | January 11, 2013, 4:00 am
  8. Every day of my life is Thyroid Awareness Month…I can get on the scale and see my plump butt and nonexistent T3’s and T4’s on my lab paperwork! LOL

    Posted by haveagreyday | January 10, 2013, 8:57 pm
  9. Luckily March 28th is the day of fun…remember…. SOMETHING ON A STICK DAY! It makes up for sucky January…..

    Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | January 10, 2013, 7:56 pm
  10. ha ha ‘have you considered stalking?…’ brilliant…so many holidays I didnt know about

    Posted by saved in drafts | January 10, 2013, 5:51 pm
  11. I haven’t decided if you are wittily sarcastic or sarcastically witty – or both! In any case, I love the humor. Your blogs make me laugh (yes right out loud – I just hate writing “your blogs make me LOL ” as it looks and sounds wrong somehow). Awesome post !

    Posted by rayahsmomma | January 10, 2013, 6:13 am
  12. Hmm…it seems like every other issue and health problem has a month to call it’s own…I wonder if that can be applied to b’days too..like It’s my birthday month! Think of all those free dinners and gifts too!!

    Posted by shreejacob | January 10, 2013, 5:58 am
  13. As redundant as National Personal Self Defense in January is, it does go quite well with Human Trafficking Awareness on the 11th of.

    Posted by josefkul | January 10, 2013, 12:39 am
  14. Ya, having Hugging and Self Defense in the same month wasn’t well thought out. It’s like the fact that Hot Dog Month and Mustard Appreciation Month are not in the same month. Should’ve gotten together on that one.

    Posted by Ned's Blog | January 10, 2013, 12:28 am
  15. Clever idea! I’ve always thought this as well (but include February and March in the mix). After Christmas, the days just drag on and on until spring.

    Posted by lpaigewrites | January 10, 2013, 12:14 am

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