As I reflect on Christmas’ of yesteryear, I fondly envision the traditions, tried and true, that occupy my mind on these chilly winter nights. It puts me in a mood that makes me feel drunk with sentiments and warms my soul. It helps me realize just how little clothes I have on while I’m standing out here in the freezing snow.
One Christmas that stands out is the one where Christmas truly did come early for me. It all started one morning, two days before Christmas, when I just went all crazy-like on the presents under the tree. I opened up every single present, every single box, and then dismantled every gift I could get my hands on. I remember when my family came down and saw that I had blacked out under all of the wrapping paper and Styrofoam and was lying naked in a pool of my own urine. The looks on their faces were priceless. Then we went to Denny’s.
Ornaments have always been a big part of my family’s Christmas. One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is when we take the tree down and begin putting the ornaments away, I take my Boba Fett ornament and carefully place him in his plastic case and then scream at the top of my lungs, “How do you like being encased in Carbonite, Dr. Jones!?!” It’s funny because he’s all like, “What does the ‘Dr. Jones’ thing mean”, and I’m like, “I’ll ask the questions around here, Cardboard Breath!!” and then that’s pretty much it.
I also do the same thing with the Precious Moments ornaments.
A list of Christmas traditions would not be complete without talking about things that scare the crap out of me. The item at the top of that list is the Christmas song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”. The gentleman caller in that song is a sexual predator, I don’t care what you say. And of course it’s cold outside, it’s winter! Those two things scare me the exact same amount. I don’t put anymore weight on one over the other.
I hope that you enjoyed these special ghosts of my Christmas past. If there is one thing I hope you take away from this, it’s remembering that these are my traditions and don’t you even think about taking them as your own. You would probably screw it up anyway.
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