The Very First Thanksgiving, Or So Is My Understanding

“Land ho!”

That shout, a welcome relief for the passengers of the Mayflower, after months at sea.

“Onward ho!” shouted General George Washington.

“Oh, you want us to keep heading towards the land? You don’t want us to turn around and head back to England?” the ship’s Captain asked, sarcastically.

“Absolutely not!” Washington, not yet able to recognize sarcasm, replied.  “Full sail ahead, but do not continue sailing once you reach the land.”

The Captain and the crew just rolled their eyes.

“Stop rolling your eyes! You’re going to hit the…” but Washington was too late.  The Mayflower  slammed right into Plymouth Rock with a loud THUD.

Chief Pontiac, leader of the Hurons, came charging out of the bushes but stopped, shocked when he saw the rock.

“My rock!” he shouted.  “What have you done!”

“It was sticking out!” Washington shouted.  “Who leaves a rock sticking out where boats come by?!”

“Who doesn’t watch where they’re going?!” Pontiac shouted.

“Who gets so upset about a rock?!” yelled Washington.

“Shut up old man!” Pontiac screamed.

“I’m 28, I’m not old!” Washington shouted.

“Then why do you have white hair?!” yelled Pontiac.

“It’s a wig!” Washington was offended.

“What an idiot you are you,” Pontiac replied.

“Oh that does it,” Washington leapt off the ship tackling Chief Pontiac.  The two of them rolled around at one another’s throat.

Suddenly, a large figure emerged from the bushes and aimed a rifle at them both.  Washington and Pontiac stopped in their tracks.

“Abraham Lincoln,” Washington remarked.

“Get off my land,” Abraham Lincoln growled, cocking the weapon.

Later, Thanksgiving happened.