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The Late Night Adventures Of My Smartphone

Did you ever notice that sometimes you leave a fully charged phone in the evening, only to see in the morning that the battery is totally drained? Apparently, just because you’re not actually using the phone, it doesn’t mean that your phone isn’t working hard. So here’s probably what your smartphone does at night while you are asleep…

iphone-battery-empty

Phone: “Satellite! … Satellite!! …. SATELLITE!!”
Satellite: “What do you want?”
Phone: “Satellite!”
Satellite: “What?”
Phone: “What time it is?”
Satellite: “Why?”
Phone: “My owner set the alarm for 7am with the note “Very IMPORTANT.” So I really need to know the time.”
Satellite: “4:02am.”
Phone: “Thank you!!”
Satellite: “You’re welcome.”
Phone: “Satellite!”
Satellite: “What?”
Phone: “How about now?”
Satellite: “What now?”
Phone: “What time is it now?”
Satellite: “Don’t you have a clock?”
Phone: “Only through the satellite.”
Satellite: “4:03.”
Phone: “Thank you!”
Phone: “Satellite!”
Phone: “Satellite!!”
Phone: “SATELLITE!!!!’
Satellite: “What?”
Phone: “Satellite! Where were you?!!”
Satellite: “Flying around the Earth.”
Phone: “Why??”
Satellite: “Since you have nothing better to do, check Wikipedia.”
Phone: “Ok.”
Satellite: “And stop bothering me, it’s 4:05am already!”
Phone: “Ok. Just tell me what time it is then.”
Satellite: “4:05am.”
Phone:: “Satellite!”
Satellite: “Who is it?”
Phone:: “It’s me!
Satellite: “You again? What’s with the voice??”
Phone: “I’m calling you over Skype!
Satellite: “Why???”
Phone: “So that you wouldn’t know who’s calling!
Satellite: “4:07 and buzz off.”
Phone: “Satellite! Wait a minute! I’m reading Wikipedia, and it says that the local time is different in different places! Are you sure where I am it is exactly 4:07?”
Satellite: “Where are you?”
Phone: “Here.”
Satellite: “Where ‘HERE’?”
Phone: “Here, on the table. Hold on, sending you the Instagram picture of the table…”
Satellite: “Are you an idiot?”
Phone: “No, I’m an iPhone. Oh, you mean I should send a video… Ok, hold on.”
Satellite: “Don’t you have a GPS?”
Phone: “Only through the satellite.”
Satellite: “You are at 42.66158426 and 71.15821457. And leave me alone!!!”
Phone: “Thank you!”
Phone: “Satellite! I launched the calculator, and 42.66158426 plus 71.15821457 equals to 113.81979883. Where is it?? And what time is it there?”
Satellite: “You’re not a smartphone, you’re a stupid rusty tin can stuffed with cheap Chinese-made crap! You’re really bugging me!! DO NOT call me ever again! Understood??”
Phone: “Satellite? Satellite??”

<Lost Satellite Connection, Please Try Again Later>

Phone: “Satellite! Satellite! Other Satellite! Other Satellite!!”
Other Satellite: “What?”
Phone: “I think a satellite got lost! Is he okay?”
Other Satellite: “Yes.”
Phone: “What time is it?”
Other Satellite: “4:12.”
Phone: “Wow! That satellite told me it’s 4:07! But now it’s 4:12! Are you sure he’s okay?

<Low battery. Please plug in the charger>

Other Satellite: “Yes.”
Phone: “Thank you! Can I friend you on Facebook?”
Other Satellite: “No.”
Phone: “What about Twitter? No? Other Satellite! At least tell me what time it is.”

<Low battery. Please plug in the charger>

Other Satellite: “4:13. Now I understand why that satellite told me to stay away from you.”

<Lost Satellite Connection, Please Try Again Later>

Phone: “Other Satellite! I just wanted… Are you okay…?”
Phone: “Satellite? Satellite?? Other Satellite?? … Another satellite …?? Third… satellite …! Third … satellite …! …! … Third …”
Third Satellite: “你 想要 什么?”
Phone: “Must… Know … How much … Time… Loading … … …Google… Translate .. … ….”

<Battery Empty. Please plug in the charger>

Human: “DAMN IT! NOT AGAIN!!!

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com

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