Our garage door apparently killed a salamander the other day. Making matters worse, I looked it up and the type of salamander killed was an endangered species.
Really though, no wonder you’re an endangered species if you can’t get out of the way of a garage door in time. The salamander even had a really bored look on its face, like getting crushed wasn’t an exciting enough death.
-Instead of stalking and hunting your prey, you now wait for other animals to come near you and commit suicide.
-You won’t hibernate unless someone reads you a bedtime story first
-You devote the majority of your time to hunting Muppets
-When you’re cornered by a predator, your glands give off the scent of a delicious Thanksgiving dinner, roasting in the oven.
-The sound you make translates to “eat me” in both Lion and Tiger.
-You would have had no natural enemies if you hadn’t been such a jerk to every species you’ve ever met.
-You look just enough like a bear, that bears think you’re mocking them
-You rely solely on hot-air balloons to get you from point A to point B.