Over the weekend, I was shopping at a large warehouse store. I don’t want to get into which one, I’ll just say it wasn’t Costco. For anonymity’s sake, let’s just give it a man’s name. How about Sam. Also, instead of a store, let’s just refer to it as something else. Let’s call it a club.
Anyhow, I was in “Sam’s Club” over the weekend, when a gentleman in a Direct TV shirt approached.
“Sir, did you hear about the event we’re having this weekend?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said trying to walk away.
“What did you think?” he asked.
“I think you’re being too liberal with the word ‘event,’ I replied.
“It’s a big sale,” he said.
“That’s right, it’s a sale,” I replied. “Not an event.”
“It’s big deal,” he argued. “$29 a month.”
“It’s a sale,” I answered. “It is literally the most common thing in all of retail. In many ways it is the exact opposite of an event.”
Eventually, I was escorted from the store. It was by my wife and it was after we had finished shopping, but still, I was escorted and that’s what I’m trying to get at.
I was pretty riled up all the way home. I polished off half a massive thing of chocolate-covered coffee beans just to try and calm myself down, but when I turned on the television it just made my heart start racing again.
The word event was being used again, only this time, instead of being used to improperly hype something up, it was being used to minimize something drastic.
It was a commercial for some sort of drug and the guy was reading the list of side-effects over video of a puppy playing in a dandelion field and the narrator said “heart attacks and other serious or fatal events can occur with use of this drug.”
A heart attack is not an event. If I had a heart attack, I wouldn’t tell my doctor, that I just took part in an event.
I decided to look the word ‘event’ up in the dictionary and then write three letters: One to Direct TV, the other to the drug-maker and another to the dictionary (they should be out enforcing their definitions, not sitting around in their posh offices).
However, I looked up the word “event” in the dictionary only to be shocked at the definition.
“Something that happens or is regarded as happening.”
It was then I realized, the word ‘event’ is so generic that it can be manipulated to mean almost anything.
I did some research and here are five ways in which people are likely using the word event to deceive you.
“Sorry I’m late, I was dealing with an event at home” = “I’m not sorry I’m late, I purposely didn’t give myself enough time to get here.”
“Hey, I have to cancel tomorrow, I’ve got this event I forgot about” = “I’m going to hold up a liquor store so I have money to hang out.”
“I just got back from an event”= “I’m cheating on you”
“Got a big academic event this week”= “I’m going to cheat on my test.”
“Want to hang out this weekend? Big event at my house.” = “I’m going to force you into hard labor.”