Bear attacks have been on the rise in 2013. Scientists have been baffled as to why. Below are ten likely reasons:
-Not enough positive influences in the forest.
-Resurgence of gangsta rap, which glorifies violence while minimizing consequences
-They suspect we may have weapons of mass destruction
-Trying to get their own week on the discovery channel
-Trying to get a Bearnado film made (sorry that was the exact same joke as above)
-Increase in attacks tied to release of “Salmon, For Men” cologne by Estee Lauder.
-Insert Miley Cyrus VMA joke here
-Foolish publication of study touting humans as a healthier alternative to fish
-Just an excuse to use the hashtag #Mauled!
-It was something you did.
Miley Cyrus made teddy bears twerk, and real bears took it as an insult. [Miley Cyrus joke inserted]
I appreciate that.