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10 Reasons For The Rise In Bear Attacks

Bear attacks have been on the rise in 2013.  Scientists have been baffled as to why.  Below are ten likely reasons:grizzly

-Not enough positive influences in the forest.

-Resurgence of gangsta rap, which glorifies violence while minimizing consequences

-They suspect we may have weapons of mass destruction

-Trying to get their own week on the discovery channel

-Trying to get a Bearnado film made (sorry that was the exact same joke as above)

-Increase in attacks tied to release of “Salmon, For Men” cologne by Estee Lauder.

-Insert Miley Cyrus VMA joke hereBEARS

-Foolish publication of study touting humans as a healthier alternative to fish

-Just an excuse to use the hashtag #Mauled!

-It was something you did.

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About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

Discussion

2 thoughts on “10 Reasons For The Rise In Bear Attacks

  1. Miley Cyrus made teddy bears twerk, and real bears took it as an insult. [Miley Cyrus joke inserted]

    Posted by List of X | September 9, 2013, 1:36 am

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