10 Reasons For The Rise In Bear Attacks

Bear attacks have been on the rise in 2013.  Scientists have been baffled as to why.  Below are ten likely reasons:

-Not enough positive influences in the forest.

-Resurgence of gangsta rap, which glorifies violence while minimizing consequences

-They suspect we may have weapons of mass destruction

-Trying to get their own week on the discovery channel

-Trying to get a Bearnado film made (sorry that was the exact same joke as above)

-Increase in attacks tied to release of “Salmon, For Men” cologne by Estee Lauder.

-Insert Miley Cyrus VMA joke here

-Foolish publication of study touting humans as a healthier alternative to fish

-Just an excuse to use the hashtag #Mauled!

-It was something you did.