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8 Signs You May Soon Be On The Endangered Species List

Our garage door apparently killed a salamander the other day.  Making matters worse, I looked it up and the type of salamander killed was an endangered species. Really though, no wonder you’re an endangered species if you can’t get out of the way of a garage door in time.  The salamander even had a really … Continue reading

WordPress Is A Giant Black Hole: A Scientific Study

Introduction: Until recently, scientists assumed that time on Earth flows linearly.  However, a few days ago, I’ve discovered a temporal-flow paradox in the time-space continuum, when I noticed that the time I spend on my blog is simultaneously “too much” and “not enough”.  This type of paradox can only occur when time flow is not … Continue reading

5 Ways People Are Using The Word ‘Event’ To Trick You

Over the weekend, I was shopping at a large warehouse store. I don’t want to get into which one, I’ll just say it wasn’t Costco.  For anonymity’s sake, let’s just give it a man’s name.  How about Sam.  Also, instead of a store, let’s just refer to it as something else.  Let’s call it a … Continue reading

Studio Rejects My Insidious: Chapter 2 Script

With the film ‘Insidious: Chapter 2’ hitting number one at the box office this weekend, I can’t help but feel a little bittersweet.  You see, I was originally set to write this film.  However, as you can see from the below notes on my script, studio executives were anything but pleased with my work. p. 1 … Continue reading

The Sesame Street Files: Why the characters you loved as a child are no longer on the show

If you were like most children, you grew up watchingSesame Street.  If, however, for some reason you did not maintain your loyalty to the program well into adulthood, you would notice if you tuned in now that many of the characters you knew and loved are no longer on the show.  We decided to pay … Continue reading

10 Reasons For The Rise In Bear Attacks

Bear attacks have been on the rise in 2013.  Scientists have been baffled as to why.  Below are ten likely reasons: -Not enough positive influences in the forest. -Resurgence of gangsta rap, which glorifies violence while minimizing consequences -They suspect we may have weapons of mass destruction -Trying to get their own week on the discovery … Continue reading

That’s What She (Actually) Said

I’m pretty sure all Americans either say, “That’s what she said,” or hear the phrase about a googooplex times a day. I’ve found, however, that when people say “that’s what she said” it more often than not turns out that “she” didn’t say anything like that. So, I went to the local Cracker Barrel to conduct … Continue reading

8 Offensive NFL Celebrations Now Banned By League Rules

As you may have heard, the NFL has launched a crackdown on end-zone celebrations.  This comes after a season that was full of outlandish dances and offensive demonstrations.  Below are 8 offensive & excessive celebrations players won’t be able to execute this year because of those rules. Touchdown against the Patriots: Scoring opponent pretends to … Continue reading

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