With the film ‘The Smurfs 2′ doing well in theaters all across the nation, I cannot help but feel a little bittersweet. You see, I made a push to write the second installment of this franchise. Unfortunately, studio executives were anything but pleased with my work, as you can see from their notes outlining their issues with my script below:
p. 1 – “Grouchy Smurf and Happy Smurf have just finished burying their dead, following the close of the ‘Great Smurf War.’” This scene would be far too dark for a children’s film. Second of all, there was no “Great Smurf War.” We’re starting to question if you’ve ever even seen the first film.
p. 3 – The scene where the Smurfs are preparing a surprise party for Smurfette’s birthday and as Smurfette tries to figure out what they are planning, they don’t say anything, let’s cut out the part where Smurfette wiretaps them.
p. 8 – “Dissolve to Gargamel, at Kroger buying Smurf meat.” This would, again, be too gruesome for a children’s film and we don’t believe that Kroger would appreciate the implication that it would sell such a product.
p. 15 – Let’s definitely cut the line where Grouchy shouts at Hefty “Smurf you, you smurfin’ Smurf!”
p. 20 – The scene where Gargamel is performing a magic show in Paris and his powers start to fade, due to his lack of Smurf magic and the crowd starts booing, you have Gargamel reminding the French that “we saved your ass in World War II!” and audience members then look at one another, ashamed. Gargamel isn’t even American. Also, he’s a villain. It’s unlikely he would have saved anyone in World War 2.
p. 31 – Smurfette is kidnapped but manages to escape by “singing a Katy Perry song. Gargamel clutches his ears begging her to stop torturing him.” You also put in notes that we “might want to mute the audio during this portion of the film so you don’t end up torturing the audience as well.” Ms. Perry, who plays Smurfette would likely be extremely offended by these instructions.”
p. 45 – The Smurfs enter a portal to try and rescue Smurfette, but end up in Paris, Ohio by mistake. Rather than come up with a way for them to get to Paris, France, you have Papa Smurf telling the rest of the crew ‘let’s just stay here and when they come back to us, we’ll just act like we’re doing rescue stuff.’ Why are the Smurfs suddenly aware that they are in a film.
p. 60 – What the hell? Smurfette is killed? First of all, you can’t kill off anyone, let alone the only female Smurf, this is a kids film. Second of all, you can’t, in any script, just kill off a main character without even explaining how they are killed.
p. 61 – Okay same here. All you say is ‘Gargamel is killed.’ You can’t kill off a villain, either, without explaining how they are killed.
p. 62 – “Cut to Paris, Ohio. Papa Smurf: Looks like there definitely won’t be a part 3. Grouchy Smurf: All’s well that ends well. All Smurfs: Oh Grouchy (they all laugh).” Why on earth would you kill off any possible chance at another sequel of a franchise that is making money???
Tim, you’ve taken a children’s classic and ruined it with this script. We’re going with a different writer.