Why The Lone Ranger May Have Failed At The Box Office

-The Lone Ranger is immediately killed in the first scene.

-The character of Rebecca is clearly footage of Samantha spliced in from the 1960’s TV show Bewitched

-During some scenes, it’s not clear if the character of Tonto is supposed to be an Indian or a robot.

-Too much of the action revolves around characters portrayed by Dustin Diamond and Jaleel White

-The Lone Ranger reappears, unexplained about a half hour, trying to ‘ease’ his way back into the film as if the audience won’t notice that he’s been completely uninvolved in the action up until now.  Making this more noticeable, the character asks other characters to explain things to him that happened during his absence.

-Why does the Lone Ranger have such a hard time keeping his pants up?

-The bandits steal a train and deputies, for some reason, never think to follow the tracks to find the stolen locomotive.

-The scene where the Lone Ranger learns how to crochet takes a half hour, is portrayed in real time and isn’t referenced again, except for the final battle scene in which he tells Tonto “I don’t think we’re going to be able to crochet our way out of this one.”

-At the end of the film, that bird on Tonto’s  head inexplicably lifts him off the ground, struggles to fly at an extremely low altitude before finally crashing the character into the side of a mountain.

-The credits: Johnny Depp reads the credits outloud, clearly struggling with the speed at which they are appearing and disappearing from the screen.