With the film ‘Hangover Part III’ doing well in theaters all across the nation, I cannot help but feel a little bittersweet. You see, I was originally asked to write this third installment of the franchise. Unfortunately, studio executives were anything but pleased with my work, as you can see from their notes outlining their issues with my script below:
p.1 – “Alan is killed after falling down a manhole. Show EMS crew accidentally dropping him down another manhole while loading him in back of ambulance so audience knows he’s definitely dead and won’t be coming back at the end of the film.” We are extremely skeptical that this film can deliver without Zach Galifianakis.
p. 2 – Okay this is interesting. Phil, Stu & Doug got drunk and woke up, only to discovery they’ve lost Alan’s body. This could be a great new twist on the theme.
p.3 – They already found Alan’s body????? What was the point of having them lose it??
p. 4 – You can’t call for an “audience intermission” here. Aside from the fact that films don’t do this anymore, four minutes into a movie is far too early for an intermission and you haven’t set up any sort of plot yet, whatsoever.
p.10 – “Stu and Mr. Chow fall down a manhole and are killed.” You just killed off two-thirds of the wolfpack and the one guy who could have replaced Alan. This film can’t survive on Phil alone, no matter how great of an actor Bradley Cooper is.
p.11 – Your instructions that “Phil falls in love with some girl. Show them doing a bunch of romantic stuff that really wins the audience over for the next thirty minutes.” You are the writer! This is way too general. You didn’t even bother to name the girl he falls in love with. You can’t put this off on someone else.
p. 12 – Here Phil is about to propose to the girl in a hot air balloon. He goes down on one knee, and a
“bad guy in a black mask and cape” cuts the balloon lose and it floats up. Another guy floats up in a hot air balloon and proposes to the girl. She says yes. Why, we want to know, if she fell in love, as you claim, with Phil, would she agree to marry a stranger who floats up on a balloon?
p. 14 – Phil sinks into deep depression? This is supposed to be a comedy and so far nothing funny has happened. It’s been all tragic.
p. 15 – “Phil turns to alcohol. He goes to take a swig of Jack from the bottle, but someone has replaced the whiskey with whiskey colored dish soap. Phil coughs up a bunch of bubbles. The neighbor walks by and sees Phil foaming at the mouth and calls police, thinking he has rabies. The police arrest the neighbor for spying on Phil.” Okay, you start off with something that could be a comedic bit and then you don’t even follow through. There’s no point to any of this stuff.
p. 16 – “Phil goes to wash out his whiskey glass which is all bubbly from the soap. Someone has replaced his dish soap with whiskey. Phil goes to take a drink from the dish soap bottle but the person didn’t rinse the soap bottle enough. The whiskey is still too soapy.” Again, what’s the point of this? You have someone playing pranks on Phil and you never explain who it is.
p. 18 – “Phil returns to the manhole that took all of his friends. He decides to end it all here. He jumps in only to land in some water. He looks over. Standing there is the girl he fell in love with. She never made it to the altar with the guy from the hot air balloon and had to take a job as a sewer worker. Phil begs her to come back. She embraces Phil and begs him to free her from this life of living in a sewer. Phil agrees when suddenly, saxophone music is heard. It’s the guy from the other hot-air balloon trying to win the girl back with a sweet sax solo. It works.” This is incredibly stupid and stupidly tragic. Why would the audience believe this girl is so easily swayed by a saxophone solo.
p. 20 – “Phil goes to climb up out of the sewer, but he can’t. Someone has put the manhole cover back on. Phil shrugs and looks at the camera “What a hangover!” he says – then he says “Okay that’s it. The end. Go home.” The film is only 20 minutes long?! 50 if we give you that 30 minute montage you asked for. And the audience should automatically know when a movie is over, you need to have a character tell them that its over.
Tim, you’ve taken a great comedy franchise and ruined it with a 20 minute film that has no plot, no logic, has killed off almost all of the characters and is nothing but tragedy after tragedy. We’re going with a different writer.