How The Swearing Anchor’s First Newscast COULD Have Gone Worse

Former Bismark North Dakota news anchor AJ Clemente was fired this week, after swearing on-air during his first newscast, while both residents were watching.

AJ tweeted an apology, chalking it up to a “rookie mistake,” which is kind of like a pilot pointing a plane down instead of up and chalking the crash up to a “rookie mistake.”

It’s the one thing that everyone knows about television.  You’re not supposed to swear on it.

Should he have been fired? It’s Bismark North Dakota, not Chicago. More people probably watched you walk into work today than saw their ten o’clock news last night.  How much harm was done?

I’m not here to debate that point. I’m here to make another argument.

After the newscast, AJ tweeted “That couldn’t have gone any worse.”

I’m sorry AJ, as a news producer myself, I’m here to tell you, it can always, always go worse.

In fact, just to make you feel better, I’ve scripted a scenario in which your first newscast could have gone worse.

ANNOUNCER: You’re watching North Dakota News in high definition.

AJ: F***ing Sh*t

COANCHOR: Good eve… You..Notice AJ ..New…Tell us about yourself AJ.

AJ: We already met.

COANCHOR: I meant tell the viewers about yourself.

AJ:  Viewers? F*** I forgot about them.  Hey. I graduated, West Virginia University. I’m used, to being from the East Coast. And, I kicked a puppy on the way into work today.

COANCHOR:  Okay, take it away AJ.

AJ: I don’t…I don’t understand…what?

COANCHOR: Go ahead and get us started.

AJ: I thought… I thought we already started…

COANCHOR:  Go ahead and read the first story.

AJ: Oh…You should have made that more clear, instead of trying to dazzle me with your lingo.

COANCHOR: ….

AJ: I guess this is on me. A man was severely injured in a drunk driving crash… Oh yeah, I was in a fraternity too. That reminded me. I forgot to tell you. I was in a fraternity, so I’m used to being in things..

COANCHOR: Oh. Okay. Good.

AJ: Um. A man was severely injured in a drunk driving crash. Police say he had been drinking, but the other driver may have been texting while driving which contributed to the accident.

COANCHOR: In other news..

AJ: I don’t know why people have such a hard time with that.

COANCHOR:  What?

AJ: Texting and driving. I do it all the time and I’ve never crashed. I nicked a guy on a bike, but he was fine. I mean he looked okay for the five seconds he was in my rearview mirror. Well, speaking of the roadways let’s head on over to the roads and traffic reporter…

COANCHOR: We don’t have a traffic reporter.

AJ: Really? Who’s that guy.

COANCHOR: That’s a camera.

AJ: I swear we have a traffic guy.

COANCHOR: Well, we do have a weather guy. Let’s check in with him right now.

WEATHER GUY: Hi and welcome AJ. Well, we just had a strong front leave our area.

AJ: That’s what she said.

WEATHER GUY: Uh, I…We’ve got a high pressure system now moving in.

AJ: That’s what she said.

WEATHER: The ah…We’ve got lots of sunshine in the days ahead.

AJ: That’s what she said.

WEATHER: That doesn’t really apply.

COANCHOR: Yes, well coming up after the break, see what fruit could be good for  your skin.

AJ: That’s right, it’s bananas.

COANCHOR: Damn it! Come on!

AJ: Language!  Oh crap, look I’m not wearing pants (steps out)

(CUT TO COMMERCIAL)