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Satire

My Wife’s Cat’s Idea Of An April Fools Joke

I had fallen asleep in bed the night before April 1st while petting the cat as she was curled up beside me. I was awakened in the morning by a barrage of meowing. I wiped the sleep from my eyes, got out of bed and started for the bathroom. As I neared the bedroom door I spotted it. The cat had strategically placed a sizable pile of fresh puke directly in the center of my usual path to the bathroom. “Nice try cat! Maybe next year!” I said out loud, hoping my cat felt embarrassed by it’s failed attempt at an April Fools joke. I side stepped the puke pile and continued on my way. It was about this time that I was reminded that I had fallen asleep petting the cat and that the sleep I had just cleared from my eyes had been unwittingly replaced with natures greatest itching powder, cat dander. My eyes began to itch relentlessly. Blinded by my cat dander induced eye itching fit, I stumbled the rest of the way to the bathroom in a rush to flush out my eyes and end the torture.

When I finally got to the bathroom, the feel of cold tile on bare foot that usually greeted me in the morning had been replace by the feel of warm mush on barefoot. “DAMMIT!! THE FIRST PILE WAS A DECOY!”, I shouted as I slid across the bathroom floor. I tried to catch myself on the toilet, but the cat had anticipated this move and left the lid up. The hand that would have prevented my head from smashing into the metal bathtub sunk to the bottom of the toilet with a splash.

My wife took this picture before leaving for work. I think she may have been in on it. 

I awoke face down on the floor of my bathroom. My head was bleeding and my left arm was stuck in the toilet bowl. My wife’s cat stood with it’s face inches from mine, it’s head cocked to the side wearing a sinister grin as it let out a laugh like meow.

Well played cat. Well played. This is no doubt payback for last April Fools when I replaced your cat litter with quick dry cement.

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About Todd Daggett

Todd Daggett is a fool. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool as well. That or they are really smart but a very good liar. Either way you should probably take some time to get to know them to be sure and then punch them in the throat for calling Todd Daggett a fool. Nobody does that and gets away with it.

Discussion

13 thoughts on “My Wife’s Cat’s Idea Of An April Fools Joke

  1. Ahahaha 😛 Oh how I love cats. *evil laugh*

    Posted by pandainslippers | April 7, 2013, 4:57 am
  2. This gave me a very large belly laugh. Sorry it is at your expense. Smooth, sneaky cat…

    Posted by dawncrane1113 | April 5, 2013, 10:22 am
  3. Your wife s cat is obviously working closely with Tim ‘s monkey …..

    Posted by kelsgonebush | April 6, 2012, 11:11 pm
  4. this is the reason i really DISLIKE cats!! conniving little bastards.

    Posted by Jennifer (MB & CL) | April 6, 2012, 9:07 pm
  5. I audibly laughed at this one. Never trust a cat…sneaky bastards.

    Posted by becca3416 | April 6, 2012, 1:08 pm
  6. Oh, I’m laughing pretty hard over here. Cats are devious little bastards, aren’t they. But so soft and fluffy I can’t help forgiving them like Rihanna kept forgiving Chris Brown.

    Posted by EzraWontShutUp | April 6, 2012, 1:17 am

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