Advertisements
//
fall in
Satire

The Food Critic: A Culinary Review of Taco Bell’s Doritos Taco

There has been no shortage of innovative culinary items at Taco Bell. There was the Black Taco, where they took a regular taco and put it inside a different color, similar tasting shell.  Then there was the Volcano Taco, where they took a regular taco and put it inside a different color, similar tasting shell.  Then there was the Double Decker Taco, where they took a regular taco, and put it inside two similar tasting shells.  Now, they’ve launched the Doritos Loco Taco, where they’ve taken a regular taco and put it inside a regular shell covered in Doritos powder.  So did this new culinary feat hit the mark?  Read our review.

Let’s start with aestetics.  The taco comes in a protective sleeve, presumably to keep Doritos dust off of your fingers.  At first glance, this appears to be good thinking on Taco Bell’s part, but when you try to take your first bite, you will find otherwise.

First of all, when you scoot the taco forward to take a bite, all of the tomatoes slid off because of this sleeve.  Now, for those who hate tomatoes on their tacos, like American League MVP Justin Verlander, this seems ideal.  However, some of us need as much of the nutrients tomatoes have to offer as possible, like prostate-protective lycopene.  We’re not all super-rich Major League Baseball pitchers who can afford new a new prostate whenever we feel like it.

Secondly, you have to touch the taco anyway to move it away from the sleeve, thereby getting Dorito dust and taco debris on your fingers.  It is the worst of both worlds.

And finally, in what state are 50 percent of Taco Bell’s customers when they eat the restaurants food?  That’s right, inebriated.  A drunk person, preoccupied with the fact that they’re about to eat tacos and Doritos AT THE SAME TIME, will not realize the protective sleeve is there and will bite right into it.

In conclusion, I give the Taco Bell’s new Doritos Taco 5 Stars, out of 5,000 stars.

Advertisements

About Tim Kochenderfer

Tim Kochenderfer is a published and internationally produced playwright and humor writer, as well as a ten time Emmy award winning TV producer. His 22 plays have been performed in every state and in almost 20 countries. For more of his work: http://www.playscripts.com/author.php3?authorid=82 http://www.brookpub.com/default.aspx?pg=ab&afn=Tim&aln=Kochenderfer http://www.cracked.com/members/tim-kochenderfer_contributor Contact: timkochenderfer@yahoo.com

Discussion

9 thoughts on “The Food Critic: A Culinary Review of Taco Bell’s Doritos Taco

  1. I’m looking forward to more food reviews . How about push cart ice creams ? Home Depot parking lot tamales ?

    Posted by Dan Hennessy | April 7, 2013, 2:34 pm
  2. Can’t. Stop. Laughing. You 1000% should add food critic to your bio.

    Posted by Lisa Moser | April 2, 2012, 9:03 pm
  3. Tim is this review covering the Supreme Doritos Loco Taco as well?

    Posted by Rick Thompson | March 22, 2012, 2:34 pm

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: A Culinary Review Of Taco Bell’s Waffle Taco | Army Of Awesome People - March 30, 2014

  2. Pingback: The Food Critic: A Culinary Review of Taco Bell’s MTN Dew A.M. « Army Of Awesome People - June 5, 2012

  3. Pingback: Hunger Games Q&A « Army Of Awesome People - April 5, 2012

  4. Pingback: Taco Bell Dorito Taco review « The Not Big Anymore, Formerly Fat Guy - April 4, 2012

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Advertisements

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 4,332 other followers

Divided and/or Conquered

  • 130,835 hits

Tweet The Army

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Categories

%d bloggers like this: