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Satire

10 More Pick-Up Lines That Could Lead To Disaster.

It seems like almost every year around Valentine’s Day, I get emails from guys telling me they’ve found a pick-up line they want to use on a girl, but would like my approval first. Last year, I told you about ten pick-up lines that could lead to disaster. Well, this year, I’ve discovered ten more:valentines_day_clipart_heart_arrow

1.)  If I were a stop light, I’d turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer – If you’re a stoplight, you should be trying to get with other stoplights, not human women. She’s not going to look at you like that, dude. She’s not going to be sitting there in traffic saying “what is taking this light so…” and then look up and see you and say “damn, that is one sexy traffic light.” And even if she did, what then? The transportation department isn’t just going to take you down and give you to her, just because she finds you attractive. And if they did, what kind of life would you have together? How would you communicate?  ‘Honey, I’m going to the store, do you need anything?” Green light.  “Oh, you do, what do you need?” Now what’s your answer? Also, people don’t like waiting at stoplights, so turning red just to check her out is a jerk move. You’ve just said, “I would waste your time, because I’m selfish.”

2.) I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way – Translated:  “I have a bizarre foot fetish.”

3.) Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I’d rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime. – So, you’re devoting the time you would have spent watching the Olympics to talking to this woman? The Olympics last several weeks, how long of a conversation are you planning here?

4.) You shouldn’t wear makeup. It’s messing with perfection! – Translated: “you’re not good at doing your makeup”

5.) I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen – Translated: “I was wondering if you have some strange genetic mutation, because you look like someone who may have a strange genetic mutation.”

6.) There isn’t a word in the dictionary for how good you look – Yes there is. Do you know how many words are in the dictionary? And you can’t find one? This is like saying, ‘I don’t have a great grasp on vocabulary.’

7.) If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib. – Prime rib. One of the fattiest cuts of meat available.

8.) I have an “owie” on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better? – Translated: “Want my cold sore?”

9.) Didn’t I see you on the cover of Vogue? – Why are you reading Vogue, dude? That’s a woman’s magazine.

10.) Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you. – Translated: “You must have an incredibly hot dad.”

If you have a pick-up line you would like me to test, feel free to leave it below:

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About Tim Kochenderfer

Tim Kochenderfer is a published and internationally produced playwright and humor writer, as well as a ten time Emmy award winning TV producer. His 22 plays have been performed in every state and in almost 20 countries. For more of his work: http://www.playscripts.com/author.php3?authorid=82 http://www.brookpub.com/default.aspx?pg=ab&afn=Tim&aln=Kochenderfer http://www.cracked.com/members/tim-kochenderfer_contributor Contact: timkochenderfer@yahoo.com

Discussion

17 thoughts on “10 More Pick-Up Lines That Could Lead To Disaster.

  1. 10 is kinda cool! But as one commenter said…whatever happened to Hello!!!

    Posted by shreejacob | February 13, 2013, 7:40 pm
  2. Using all of these. Thanks.

    Posted by becca3416 | February 13, 2013, 2:33 pm
  3. Oof. I cringe at the idea someone uses these and doesnt try to just say “Hello”
    Oh well, if they did, we wouldnt be entertained.

    Posted by Sean | February 13, 2013, 11:30 am
  4. 4 and 8 are too funny!

    Posted by Dax Zephyr | February 13, 2013, 7:34 am
  5. You are right – they are disasters – as is any pick up line other than Hello. Like your clever take on these though

    Posted by on thehomefrontandbeyond | February 13, 2013, 6:03 am
  6. 7 & 10 for the win

    Posted by Mooselicker | February 13, 2013, 1:13 am
  7. That cracked me up!

    Posted by karenleahansen | February 13, 2013, 1:06 am
  8. I’ve lost my towel, can I borrow yours? [Translated: I’m in my forties (at least) and am just now getting back into this dating thing]

    Posted by Maximum Know-How | February 13, 2013, 12:30 am

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