Everyone knows that Spider-Man has these amazing powers like climbing walls, shooting out sticky strings from his hands, and swing on them from building to building. But not many of us know how difficult his life really is. Here are just a few examples:
1) Spider-Man had to register as a sex offender in New York because on more than one occasion his hand’s glue had stuck to a woman’s bottom on a subway.
2) Whenever Spider-Man is invited to a party, hosts always assume he will eat flies and insects and never offer him real food.
3) Spider-Man had set up multiple criminal-catching nets across New York, and occasionally someone gets caught. But these characters always have a story how they found that lady’s purse or that dead body and were just taking it to the police, so he had to let them go. And then New York fined him for running a catch and release operation without a license.
4) Because females of many spider species eat the male after mating, Spider-Man is wary of females in general. Except for those few unfortunate subway incidents.
5) Spider-Man’s webbing is very sticky and almost impossible to clean off the glass. New York’s window washers had caught and beat up Spider-Man a few times for making their work so much harder.
6) Spider-Man’s web does not connect to the internet, so he has to steal his neighbor’s Wi-Fi.
7) Spider-Man shoots out very strong and sticky spider-web strings to move between buildings. After he had swung to the next building, discarded strings often fall to the streets and glue multiple cars together, making the city’s already congested traffic even worse. New York’s cab drivers had also caught and beat up Spider-Man a few times for making their work so much harder.
8) Sometimes, these sticky strings Spider-Man shoots out attach to electric wires instead of the buildings. New York’s electricians had beat up Spider-Man a few times for making their work so much harder, and also for wasting their time and making them wait for several hours to delay the beating until Spider-Man regains consciousness after being electrocuted when his strings attach to the electric wires.
9) New York’s restaurants servers, bus drivers, and paralegals had also beat Spider-Man even though he had not yet made their life harder. But everyone else in New York is doing that, and peer pressure is a powerful thing.
10) As a result of constant beatings, Spider-Man is just being crushed by the constant medical bills, and has mostly used his superpowers to escape from the debt collection agencies. He is very enthusiastically looking forward to 2014, when radioactive spider bites will be covered under Obamacare.