As you know, everyone and their brother and their boss and the boss’ mother have a Facebook account nowadays. There are almost a billion people on Facebook, posting all kinds of random stuff, and I I think there should be certain limits to what we post there. While I don’t imagine myself an expert on Facebook etiquette, here are some things I wouldn’t do on Facebook.
1) I would not post pictures of plates of delicious, mouthwatering food. At least not immediately following my status update saying that I am going on a diet. I’ll wait for your update about you going on a diet.
2) I would never post enigmatic yet meaningless status updates. Never. Or maybe…? What if?…
3) I would not post any racy details about my personal relationships on my Facebook account. Certainly not while my wife is reading it.
4) Also, I would not update my relationship status (in my case, to “married”). Too much hassle. And what if I get divorced in 40-50 years? I would then have to change everything back!
5) I would not post on Facebook where I am spending my vacation. That would only make friends jealous and tip off the thieves that I am away from my house. Remember, a true thief, just like a true friend, wouldn’t troll your comment section, he/she would just drop by your house for an unexpected visit.
6) I would never ask my friends to sign any petitions. I think it is distasteful to push your political agenda onto your Facebook friends, so if you agree with me, please sign my petition to stop your friends from asking you to sign their petitions.
7) I would not brag about committing any crimes on Facebook, because… wait, seriously? I have to explain why?
8) I would not post any desperate messages saying I’ve been robbed and urgently need you to send me some money. The only way this could happen is when my account has been hijacked by hackers, so don’t transfer any money in response to those messages. Though at any other time, your money transfers are welcome.
9) I would not use Facebook Timeline. However, since when did Facebook started caring about what I would want to do?
10) I would not post any hilarious meme pictures. You do that well enough, and I trust you completely to spend your valuable time to find these pictures for my entertainment.
So you may ask why I even bother using Facebook. Well, I would use it to share this post with all my Facebook friends. And Facebook is definitely a way to keep track of my friends’ birthdays. Finally, I can use it to find out which of them are away from their houses and for how long.