I have always been interested in the idea of an afterlife. I often find myself tuning into television shows depicting “terrifying” hauntings. After a few minutes though, I find myself dozing off. Why? These ghosts spend an infinite amount of time haunting people in a boring, clichéd manner. It takes a lot more than a whisper in my ear or an ambiguous bump in the night to impress me. That being said, nothing infuriates me more than lazy ghosts. In an effort to make the afterlife a little more entertaining for everyone, here are more of my plans for when I’m a ghost:
1.) When I’m a ghost, I’ll replace all of the dust bunnies in your house with actual bunnies. The ones with pink eyes.
2.) When I’m a ghost, slipping on banana peels will become a very real and serious issue in your life.
3.) When I’m a ghost, I’ll follow you to the beach and create awkward designs on your skin with sunscreen.
4.) When I’m a ghost, I’ll replace all of the snow in your yard with powdered sugar… which will attract ants… which will attract Anteaters …which will attract annoying gawkers and passers-by.
5.) When I’m a ghost, I’ll replace your main mode of transportation with a horse and buggy. Then I’ll send stage-coach robbers after you (just to see how you would handle the situation).
6.) When I’m a ghost, your conscience is going to start sounding an awful lot like the hecklers from The Muppet Show.
7.) When I’m a ghost, I’ll bake fresh breads and pies for you several times a week. I’ll place them on your windowsill to cool which will seem quaint and charming …until the hobos show up.
8.) When I’m a ghost, I’ll replace all of your displayed photographs with pictures of my ghost friends and me, which will look something like this:
9.) When I’m a ghost, I’ll make it so that you wake up each morning with various styles of handlebar moustaches.
10.) When I’m a ghost, I’ll make sure that the door ALWAYS hits you on the way out.
The afterlife is going to last a pretty long time. I’m just saying… might as well make it amusing.
Brian Croitori
Jason Gooley
Lindsay Tacia
List of X
Randy Shy
James Miller
Stickwick Stapers
Todd Daggett
Think when im a ghost id get a kick out of turning on the classical radio channel full bast at 3am on a monday. By which point classical fm maybe playing dubstep followed by rick astley. 🙂
Posted by The domesticated Cat | January 7, 2013, 6:44 pmOff to make some afterlife plans of my own. Thanks for the inspiration!
Posted by rainbowmaggii | January 6, 2013, 5:03 pmReblogged this on galzinsherpa's Blog.
Posted by galzinsherpa | January 5, 2013, 2:18 amWhen I’m a ghost, I’ll sing Call Me Maybe while you’re sleeping so it’s stuck in your head all day.
Posted by Pam | January 4, 2013, 10:23 pmHmmm… you must know the blogger to know how much that song annoys her…
Posted by Lindsay Tacia | January 5, 2013, 11:20 pmGood idea!
Posted by rainbowmaggii | January 6, 2013, 5:03 pmI’ll sing Baby to people I hate.
Posted by rainbowmaggii | January 6, 2013, 5:04 pmSnort – I love these! Can I come back to haunt with you? Every ghost in the afterlife needs a piglet – I’m just sayin’ XOXO Bacon
Posted by PigLove | January 4, 2013, 8:44 amSure, you can! I love bacon. 😉
Posted by Lindsay Tacia | January 5, 2013, 11:27 pmuh oh…. backs my little pig legs out of post…. snort!
Posted by PigLove | January 7, 2013, 8:34 amthis was a very good read and our library’s curators look forward to capturing you when you are a ghost.
The Library.
http://thelibraryoflivingmonsters.wordpress.com/
Posted by thelibraryoflivingmonsters.wordpress.com | January 4, 2013, 7:51 amThank you! Remind me to stay away from your curators! They’ll foil all my plans!
Posted by Lindsay Tacia | January 5, 2013, 11:16 pmThank you for this nice inspiration. May I just add that you might have some troubles when that maybe kind of annoyed person is becoming a ghost as well? 🙂
You might want to save some time to get some good ghostbuster skills in the afterlife!
Posted by kaddrinchen | January 4, 2013, 7:18 amTrue. When the annoyed person becomes a ghost, I’ll just hide. That’ll work, I think…
Posted by Lindsay Tacia | January 5, 2013, 11:14 pmHobos are always a problem
Posted by Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher | January 4, 2013, 7:16 amOnly when they lose their bindles. 😉
Posted by Lindsay Tacia | January 5, 2013, 11:04 pmMy husband says if he were a ghost he would haunt me and scare off any male visitors i had….some may call that controlling…i call it fair because i would do the same lol – however i wont be showing him this post as that would just give him more ideas 😉
Posted by saved in drafts | January 4, 2013, 6:48 amIf you become a ghost before he does, feel free to use my ideas on any of his potential female visitors.
Posted by Lindsay Tacia | January 5, 2013, 11:01 pmhmm when you are a ghost I hope you do not find me–amusing but annoying — ha ha
Posted by on thehomefrontandbeyond | January 4, 2013, 6:17 amWhen I’m a ghost, I’ll amuse you slightly more than I annoy you so that you feel perpetually conflicted about my existence.
Posted by Lindsay Tacia | January 5, 2013, 11:30 pmha ha – sounds good to me– you are a funny girl!
Posted by on thehomefrontandbeyond | January 6, 2013, 5:59 amI pretty much have the Muppet Show playing in my head 24-7 already. Or at least, the “BAh-Nana-NAH song.” (Doodoo-doodoo-dah doo doo doodoodoo doo!) 😉
When I’m at last a ghost, I’ll either be the sloppy world’s first “Bio-Exorcist” a’la Beetlejuice or the “One Sock Geist” Because every house and every load of laundry NEEDS a missing sock! It’s a law of the known Universe 😛
Posted by jimmydevious | January 4, 2013, 12:33 amAh, yes! That is one of the catchiest songs in existence. And I like your ghost plans– you will always find work being the “One Sock Geist.”
Posted by Lindsay Tacia | January 5, 2013, 10:53 pm