Superman, deep in thought whether he should fly down to the street, or take the elevator just this once. (Photo by Wikipedia)
Everyone knows that Superman has these amazing powers like flying, X-ray vision and superhuman speed. But not many of us know how difficult his life really is. Here are just a few examples:
1) After Superman lands from a flight, he has to clear out dead bugs and small birds from his ears, eyes, and other cavities. Holding out hands in front of his face while flying provides only a small amount of protection.
2) Superman never goes to the bathroom. However, he has already talked to his doctor about this, and there may be hope.
3) Superman’s underpants had once ripped apart on the back due to constant fighting, and since it was really hard for him to find the time to mend the tear with the various world-saving activities, he had to start wearing a cape to cover the hole.
4) Superman can use his X-ray vision to see through any object, but then he has to replace his contact lenses.
5) Superman CAN be in the same room as Clark Kent, because according to the White Pages, there are 11 people in the United States named Clark Kent.
6) In bed, he’s not super, but actually below average. He can be super gentle and super confident, but because of his powers he completes the actual intercourse in 0.02 microseconds.
7) Kryptonite takes away Superman’s powers. Mixing Kryptonite and Viagra can make for a decent evening for Superman.
8) Red and blue colors he has to wear are not accidental. Federal Aviation Administration had signed off on the colors that make him visible to all passing aircraft.
9) Superman never sweats, never takes off his Superman outfit, and can freeze fire with his breath. These qualities had resulted in him being banned for life from multiple saunas and steam rooms across the country.
10) Letter “S” on Superman’s shirt does not actually stand for “Superman”. On the tight outfits he has to wear, “S” stands for size: Small.
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Posted by Solange Keath | April 10, 2013, 12:08 amTight, indestructible underpants might be problematic, but at least Superman won’t get a rash.
Posted by cool web stuff | January 13, 2013, 9:43 pmOn the other hand, if Superman ever gets a rash, it would be a super-rash.
Posted by List of X | January 14, 2013, 12:59 amHilarious! #3’s a gem!
Posted by Yeahthtsme | January 7, 2013, 11:13 amReblogged this on galzinsherpa's Blog.
Posted by galzinsherpa | January 5, 2013, 12:52 pmAlthough you contend to be an expert on Superman, it seems that you do not know everything. The red “underpants” part of his costume is not actually underwear. That is the “compression shorts” part of his costume and he still wears additional underwear underneath, I believe. Plus, the blue tights go under the red shorts part, so Superman has double coverage.
Posted by Huffygirl | January 4, 2013, 12:15 pmI guess I have not spent sufficient time studying Superman’s underwear. From your explanation, I think Superman should consider different clothing choice, because doctors do not recommend wearing tight underwear.
Posted by List of X | January 6, 2013, 12:00 amYes, because really, I think he’s got three layers going on there. Not a good choice for such a young man who may want to have super children some day.
Posted by Huffygirl | January 6, 2013, 2:00 pm