Funerals are generally thought of as glum and solemn affairs, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Here are some things you can try to make your own funeral fun with a little planning. (Disclaimer: DO NOT attempt to make someone else’s funeral fun without prior consent, as some people’s ghosts have no sense of humor.)
1) Put a “Please Do Not disturb sign” on the side of the coffin.
2) Place nearby a glass box with a wooden stake in it, with sign “Break Glass In Case Of Emergency”
3) Attach a Romney/Ryan 2012 bumper sticker to the coffin.
4) Send out an automated e-mail to all invited guests with an apology that you will not be able to attend due to a scheduling conflict.
5) Wear pajamas in the coffin. I mean, this is clearly not the best of all possible occasions, so why not save your best suit for something else?
6) Attach “Hello, my name is…” sticker to your pajamas.
7) Hide an mp3 player inside the casket so that whenever the lid is closed it will play random pre-recorded phone conversations from inside, like “…So what’s up… Listen, can I call you in a few minutes? I am kind of busy right now…”…”What are you doing this weekend?”… “No, I am not interested in a subscription to New York Times…”
8) Ask to get buried in your cubicle at work. It is already a proper size and shape, and just needs to be filled in with the TPS reports. Plus, your nameplate is already there.
9) Put off your funeral for as long as possible. A thorough preparation is key to success.
Normally, I’d make it an even 10 suggestions, but then your funeral could become so much fun that your friends will start looking forward to it.