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The Time My Pet Monkey Ruined Christmas Eve

Some years ago, a girl I was dating had asked for a very popular and hard to come by pair of jeans for Christmas.  I had searched store, after store, after store trying to track down just one pair, to no avail.cute-monkey-01

Christmas Eve was finally upon us and I had to opt for a different gift route.  As she finished opening my presents to her, I could tell she was disappointed.

Suddenly, I felt a tiny elbow at my ribs.  It was my pet monkey, Chip Dip.  He handed me a perfectly wrapped present and nodded his head towards my girlfriend.  Reluctantly, I handed her the gift.

She unwrapped the paper and opened the box, excited. It was the pair of jeans.  My pet monkey had tracked them down.

“Chip Dip, you spectacular…” I thought to myself, but then my girlfriend unfolded the jeans, in anger.

“Is this how fat you think I am?!!!!” she yelled.  I looked over to see her arms outstretched holding a massive pair of pants.

The monkey had purchased the wrong size.

“CHIP DIP!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed.  “YOU BOUGHT SIZE TRIPLE X-L!!!!!!!!”

I chased the monkey around the house for 45 minutes until he finally managed to escape up the chimney.

I tried to track Chip Dip, following his prints in the snow, but he had somehow managed to throw me off his trail, by putting a pair of baby shoes on a squirrel.

Finally, I had to get to a Christmas party at my girlfriend’s parents house.

Given the fact that my girlfriend wasn’t talking to me, the party was very uncomfortable. Things only got worse when it came time to open presents.  I was my girlfriend’s mother’s secret Santa and given all of the commotion, I had left her gift at home.

My heart sank as it came time for her to open a present.  Unexpectedly, however, someone handed her a gift that was from me.

“What the…” I thought to myself, but then I looked out the window, to see Chip Dip peaking inside.  The monkey had brought the present.  I gave

My girlfriend’s mother unwrapped the gift, but before she could open the box, a raccoon tore its way out. Chip Dip had wrapped up an animal he found in the forest.

“CHIP DIP!!!!!!” I yelled.  My girlfriends family chased the raccoon around the house for 45 minutes, as the creature ripped apart everything in its path.

I was kicked out of the party, broken up with and ordered not to have a Merry Christmas.

Next year, I’m thinking of regifting Chip Dip.

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About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

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One thought on “The Time My Pet Monkey Ruined Christmas Eve

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