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Satire

What If Eagles Wrote A Song About Christmas…

Everyone knows the song Hotel California by Eagles.  But did you ever wonder how the song would sound if Eagles wrote it as a Christmas song?

On a dark Christmas evening, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of milk and cookies, rising up through the air
Up above in the chimney, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I fell asleep for the night
There he stood in the doorway;
Red suit, beard, jingle bell
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Heaven or this could be Hell”
Then he lit up a menorah and he showed me the way
There were reindeer down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say…

Welcome to the time of Happy Holidays
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Jingle all the way
Welcome to the season of Happy Holidays
It is Christmas here
Any time of year
Buy your presents here

He’d fought in War On Christmas, he drives a Reindeer-Benz
He got a lot of pretty, pretty boys he calls elves
How they toil in the courtyard, cool winter sweat.
Some make gifts to remember, most make gifts to forget

So I called up the Captain,
“Please bring me my wine”
He said, “Our charge for that spirit here is $19.69”
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Singing carols in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say…

Welcome to the time of Happy Holidays
All the sales are nice (Such a lovely price)
Such a lovely price
Welcome to the time of Happy Holidays
What a nice surprise
Were you naughty/nice?
We will check you twice…

Mistletoe on the ceiling,
And everything’s on ice
And he said “there’s a sale in aisle 14 on new China-made device”
And in the master’s chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab Rudolph with their steely knives,
But can’t kill the red-nosed beast

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the Christmas that was before
“Relax, ” said Yankee-swap man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check out any gift you like,
But you’ll end up with the crap you leave…”

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com

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