As someone who grew up watching the cartoon and dreaming of one day himself becoming the ‘Most Powerful Man In The Universe,’ I was extremely confused by this. Was I getting old? Did these ladies think I said Bee-Man?
“I said He-Man! Not Bee-Man! He-Man!” I blurted out a few times throughout the day just to be safe, but this seemed to only confuse them more.
Finally, I had enough. I rounded everyone up in the office and forced them to watch an entire season of ‘Masters Of The Universe.’
Unfortunately, I had forgotten that He-Man was a syndicated, five-day a week half hour show and it took the staff a couple of weeks to make it through the whole thing.
“Less!” they rudely and wearily insisted.
“Is it something I did, or is it something He-Man did?” I asked.
“You! You locked us in a room for weeks and made us watch some kids cartoon and you only supplied us with crackers to eat!”
“Kids cart…” then it dawned on me. I did admire He-Man as a child, but I hadn’t seen the show since the third grade. Could it be possible the show wasn’t as great as I remembered?
“Can we go home now please?” they asked as I was thinking this.
“In a bit,” I said. “So it was definitely He-Man’s fault?”
“Your fault!” they insisted.
With that I ran into the viewing room and watched, only to be horrified to face the awful truth: He-Man wasn’t as awesome as I remembered. In fact, there were many, many terrible things about the show.
The Dialogue: In one episode, a woman is walking through the woods, trips over a branch and starts falling into what can only be an incredibly deep pit. “I’M FALLLLLLLLLIINNNNNGGGGG!” she immediately yells upon her descent. Ohhhhh, that’s what you’re doing! I was wondering why the scenery behind you was changing so quickly.
In another episode, Skeletor (do not ask me who he is) communicates to his henchmen through a crystal ball. “This is the voice of Skeletor!” he begins his message. Oh, it’s only the voice of Skeletor. Just in case anyone was thinking that Skeletor was now a talking crystal ball. This is like me calling someone and beginning the conversation with ‘this is the voice of Tim’ to clear up any confusion that I had suddenly become a phone.
The Characters:Man-E-Faces – billed as the “heroic master of disguise” in that he can ‘change’ from a human, to a robot, to a monster, yet it is only his face that changes while his body and head are uniquely different from other He-Man characters. This makes him more recognizable than any character on the show, yet he’s constantly
fooling his collegues.
Mer-Man – Evil Ocean Warlord – his voice sounds like he has water in the back of his throat which makes no sense on land or under the sea.
Mekanek – Heroic Human Periscope – possesses the power to extend his neck. Not threatening.
You can tell which characters are bad guys simply by checking whether their names end in OR. A skeleton = Skeletor. A panther = Panthor. Stinker = Stinkor. etc.
I now face a situation in which I must distance myself from He-Man. I’m thinking about going to work dressed as a Go-Bot. People still remember those, right?