Advertisements
//
fall in
Satire

The Spelling Bee Disaster

One of the highlights of my life was taking part in the national Spelling Bee. I was just 12 years old at the time. The world was my oyster, the eyes of America were upon me and I had a bright future ahead of myself as a professional speller, working at one of the nation’s top Spelling corporations.

It was the final round. The competition had been eliminated, everyone except for me and a pleasant young lady named Emily. It was my turn. I felt my heart race as I headed towards the podium. I looked out into the crowd and thats when I saw him. Dirk Von Vechtan, my archenemies, and the epitome of evil among all spellers. I tried to ignore him the best I could, but it was difficult. He just kept staring at me through his dark sunglasses, sitting in the crowd in his dark suit and long black cape.

“Your word is Magnesium,” one of the judges instructed me.

“Definition?” I asked.

“A metallic element,” the judge answered.

“Could you use it in a sentence please?” I requested.

“Magnesium is a metallic element,” the judge responded.

This was it, my time to prove to the world that I was the greatest speller. I looked out into the crowd again at Von Vechtan, as he lowered his dark shades and looked me in the eye.

“Magnesium,” I said leaning towards the microphone. “M-A-G-N-E-S-I-U-M.” And thats when I heard it.

“E!!!” Someone had thrown their voice from the crowd. I glared, it was Von Vechtan.

The bell rang.

“Im sorry,” one of the judges replied, “there is no E at the end of Magnesium.”

“No! I insisted, I didnt say E! It was Von Vechtan! He threw his voice!”

The judges whispered amongst themselves.

After reviewing the spell, one of them finally spoke up, weve determined there was no interference. Speller is eliminated.

“No!” I shouted. “That was a foul! I should get three easy words because of that!”

The judges all shook their heads.

“Sorry, youre out,” they said.

I looked out into the crowd to see Dirk Von Vechtan, smiling at me, glibly.

“VON VECHTAN!!!!” I screamed, and charged into the crowd, but Von Vechtan was ready for me. He drew a sword from beneath his cape and as I ran at him, he sliced a V into my best spelling shirt. As I fell back, he once again drew his sword to go for the fatal blow, but this time, I moved out of the way and as the blade of his sword sliced the air next to my head, I grabbed the handle and beat him in the face with the butt of his own sword.

Von Vechtan stumbled back and fell over several folding chairs onto the ground. I grabbed one of chairs that had tipped, but as I drew it over my head, two of Von Vechtans henchmen lunged at me.

I knocked one of them back with a swift kick to the face, but the other connected with several punches to my jaw. As I fell back, he tried to put his boot in my face, but I grabbed his foot and yanked him to the ground.

I quickly got on my feet and grabbed a folding chair, but suddenly it was yanked from my grasp with a loud lash. I looked behind me to see Van Vechtan brandishing a whip. He cracked it back and lashed it towards me, but I managed to grab the end of it and snatched it out of his hands.

I looked up to see his two henchmen rushing back at me. I glanced around and then with the whip, I lashed the rod holding the curtains in place and pulled myself to the top.

“Kochenderfer!!!” Von Vechtan screamed at the top of his lungs. “Get down here you coward and let me finish you off!!!!”

I looked below to see I was outnumbered, but thats when I saw it, the chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

I quickly lashed my whip around it and swung down, delivering a boot right into the jaw of one of Von Vechtans henchmen, knocking him unconscious. The other charged at me, but with a strong tug, I pulled the chandelier and it came crashing down on top of his head.

“Its just you and me Von Vechtan,” I said.

And with that, we charged at each other and fell tumbling to the ground, exchanging punch after punch to the face. Finally, Von Vechtan pinned me against the wall. He pulled out his sword and held it over me.

“Spell goodbye,” he said.

Von Vechtan thrust his sword at me, but I managed to roll over, and as I did so, I wrapped his legs in mine and sent him flying to the floor. I got up and stomped the sword out of his hand.

I grabbed Von Vechtan by the collar and drew back my fist.

“Consider yourself eliminated,” I said and with that I threw my fist into his face, knocking him unconscious.

I got up, wiped the blood off of my lip and brushed off my pants. The entire crowd of parents and spellers just stared at me, stunned.

I didnt win that Spelling Bee, but I do have to say, just the thrill of being a part of such a prestigious event and the wonderful memories it formed will indeed last a lifetime.

 

Advertisements

About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

Discussion

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Advertisements

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 4,333 other followers

Divided and/or Conquered

  • 132,147 hits

Tweet The Army

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Categories

%d bloggers like this: