Keeping Up With The Newer Jones’

I, like many of you, have spent most of my life trying to keep up with the Jones’.  I am proud to report that I have done what was previously thought impossible.  I came up behind Old Man Jones and snuck right past him and his damn family.

When I got a good look at the Jones’, I noticed that they were fairly middle-class people.  Maybe a little taller than most.  I don’t know what all the hub-bub was about.  I am proud to say that I will be carrying on this torch of mediocracy.  I do expect people to lose a little weight though.

I have decided to keep Old Man Jones on as my personal assistant so he can still support his ridiculous family.  It will be his job to secure my position as Newer Jones.  If anybody comes creepin’ round my back stairs, they will be quickly removed from the premises.  I have no tolerance for stair creepers.  And neither does Old Man Jones.

I would like to thank everyone in advance for their undying support of me in this matter.  Here is an autographed picture of Old Man Jones for everyone to post on their sites.  Thank you again, and Gosh bless.