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2012 Olympics: Top 10 Michael Phelps Excuses

A stunning defeat this weekend for American superstar swimmer Michael Phelps. Phelps was trounced in the highly anticipated match-up against Ryan Lochte in the 400-meter individual medley. While Lochte won the gold, Phelps placed a distant 4th and could barely pull himself from the pool.  We caught up with Phelps from our media base in London … Continue reading

Butchering My Last Name

One thing I’m sick of is people butchering my last name. A couple of days ago, I was buying tires and the guy behind the counter asked for my last name. I decided to spell it for him. “K-O-C-H-E-N-D-E-R-F-E-R” “Is that German?” he asked. “No, it’s Kochenderfer” Idiot.

See You Later, Suckroy! That’s ‘Sucker’ And ‘Troy’ Mixed Together

Well, I (we) have done it!  We sold our house even with the prospect of someone living next to the sniveling Troy.  He tried to undermine us, boy howdy, but we perservered. To the person (people) who did buy our house, Troy is an excellant neighbor.  He is a living, breathing example of a human, … Continue reading

My Final Night At College

I’ll never forget my final night at college. I spent it with Marissa, sitting on a blanket underneath the starlight. “I wish these days would never come to an end,” Marissa said, gazing up at the night sky. “I wish you’d shut up and kiss me,” I replied. Marissa did kiss me, but then she … Continue reading

The Old Peach Salesman

As I was walking down the street today, I came upon a farmer on the side of the road selling peaches from a stand. “Sell any peaches today?” I asked, “Not a one,” he sighed, depressed. “You’re in a college town,” I replied. “Let me show you how to move peaches.” I picked up a … Continue reading

“Hey Bob, am I fired?” A More Comprehensive Review Of A College Landscaping Business Venture

“Hey Bob, am I fired?”  They were the first words out of my mouth every morning. “No your not fired, how could you be?”  He would reply.  “And thanks for getting my name right!” Bob had been my best friend for ten years and all he ever wanted was to be the boss of something. … Continue reading

Whenever someone says I’ve changed…

Whenever someone tells me that I’ve “changed,” I usually sit them down and show them a video about the caterpillar and how if it didn’t “change” it would never become the beautiful monarch butterfly. Then I put in a video of me, wearing nothing but a cape.

oosevelt Is Now Fun Size

As you might have guessed, I have again modified my robot, oosevelt.  I felt that it was necessary to knock him down a couple of pegs.  Not only is he now a much more manageable size, but I have given him a little bit of a frown and made his eyebrows kind of slanty so … Continue reading

The 5 Worst Facebook Friends

Facebook is great way to keep up with old friends. Lately, however, it seems that some have started abusing the social media site and subjecting their friends to horrible postings. I’ve indentified the five worst culprits below: 1.The Play-By-Play Announcer – I’m so glad to read that you’re “home.” I know I haven’t spoken to … Continue reading

TV’s Fall Line-up

It appears that the new line-up of television is seeking a new demographic.  Fox will be airing a new reality show that features a semi-famous person riding on a bus with non-famous people.  The first episode features little known actor George Clooney from TV’s “The Facts of Life”.  It features Clooney reading a newspaper for … Continue reading

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