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Watch Out For Other People’s Other Hands

We have enrolled our daughter into a music program.  This is the third semester of it.  Basically it involves a lot of simple songs with simple instruments.  If my daughter is ever unable to attend a class, I probably won’t end up going either.  I feel that I already know most of the songs anyways. … Continue reading

Diary Of A Mad Ex-President – Chapter 3: The Jerk I Beat 4 Years Ago

Dear Diary, First of all,China’s definitely not lookin’ for a leader.  Their president seemed insulted when I asked. Second, I found out something horrible and unbelievable today.  I was sittin’ there this morning watchin’ Monday Night Football, when I decided to do somethin’ I hadn’t done in years.  Watch the news. See, I figured they’d … Continue reading

My Robot Roosevelt Predicts The Future

I would like everyone to take a moment and stop.  While you are stopped, why don’t you all collaborate and listen.   I am back, and I’ve brought a brand new invention. It’s actually just an improvement on an invention I’ve already created.  You all probably remember my robot.  If you recall, I had named him … Continue reading

The Food Critic: A Culinary Review of Taco Bell’s MTN Dew A.M.

There is no ‘off’ position on the innovation switch at Taco Bell.  First, the restaurant set the fast food world on fire, by taking a regular taco, coating the shell in Doritos dust and putting it in a cardboard sleeve that makes the taco nearly impossible to eat.  Now, Taco Bell has invented a new breakfast … Continue reading

Please Read Before Trying To Turn Your Car Into A Transformer

It probably comes as a shock to no one that I have been trying to turn my car into some workable form of a Transformer.  My first attempt at this resulted in getting the transforming part right (the sound effects and everything) but when it was finished, my car had transformed into a garden hose with … Continue reading

Weekend Reflections: Free Trips To Heaven

On the way home today, I passed by a church with a sign outside that read “Free Trips To Heaven, Details Inside.” Curious, I pulled into the parking lot and walked in. “What about these free trips to Heaven?” I asked the pastor. “Yeah,” The pastor replied, pulled out a gun and shot me.

The Zank – A Poem

There it was, caught in the clutches of the dreaded Pirate Long Mustache, The Zank. It had zigged. It had zagged. It had even zugged. But, when The Zank went for a zeg that’s when Long Mustache kicked out his peg leg from behind the rum keg. “Bam. That’s that. You’re mine now Zank,” Long … Continue reading

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