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Satire

The Super Awkward Time I Met Count Dracula

Some might say there are no such things as vampires, but I’ll never forget my first run-in with one. Jake and I were walking through the woods when a shot rang out.

“I wonder what was that?” I stopped cold in my tracks.

“It was a gun,” Jake replied.

“Yes, obviously it was a gun,” I said sternly, “I wonder where it came from.”

“From the west,” Jake answered.

“Yeah I know it came from the west,” I replied, annoyed, “I wonder who fired the gun.”

All of the sudden, there was a rustle in the bushes. Jake and I both drew our weapons.

“Don’t shoot, don’t shoot,” a ghastly figure emerged. “It is I, Count Dracula, who fired that round. I’m hunting duck.”

“Count Dracula?” I asked. “You’re not supposed to be out in the daylight.”

“Who are you, my mother?” he snapped back.

“No, sorry,” I replied.

There was an awkward pause.

“So….um…” Dracula tried to break the uncomfortable silence.

“So what are you doing out here?” I asked.

“I told you, hunting duck,” he replied.

“Oh right, sorry,” I got quiet again.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked.

“Just, um, just out in the woods,” I replied.

“Hmm,” there was another awkward silence as we all looked around uncomfortably.

Finally, Dracula spoke up. “So, I’m just going to….” Dracula pointed down the path.

“Yeah, yeah sure,” I smiled/

Dracula nodded, somewhat awkwardly and started walking down the path.

All of the sudden, a bear leapt out from the bushes and kicked Count Dracula, full force in the butt.

I’d like to be able to tell you that we stopped and helped the Count, but we just kind of pretended like we didn’t see what was happening and walked away.

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About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

Discussion

2 thoughts on “The Super Awkward Time I Met Count Dracula

  1. Hello everybody!! Your site is so off the wall and right up my alley! I just wanted to let you know that I have NOMINATED YOUR SITE for the VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! There are a few rules with this nominations of which I’ve posted on my site, aprairiegodmother.com, which you can copy and paste to make it easier for you. BTW, don’t forget to copy and paste the green award to your site as well!!! Display it proudly!!! Nicely done everybody!!! Keep those posts coming!!
    Cathy

    Posted by prairiegodmother | June 16, 2012, 12:39 am

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