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Satire

The Zank – A Poem

There it was, caught in the clutches of the dreaded Pirate Long Mustache, The Zank.

It had zigged. It had zagged. It had even zugged. But, when The Zank went for a zeg that’s when Long Mustache kicked out his peg leg from behind the rum keg.

“Bam. That’s that. You’re mine now Zank,” Long Mustache gave with a yarr.

Long Mustache proclaimed, “You can zig. You can zag. You can zug. But you can’t zeg after too many at the barr.”

So it slumped in a hump on the deck of the ship. For the Zank knew it was in deep, deep fodder.

That was it. It was over. The Zank was in for a long walk off a short plank.

“Get up yee scallywag,” scowled Long Mustache. “I haven’t all day and I needs to attend to me rash.”

Just then a pirate deck hand took notice that the Zank could not walk the plank, “The Zank is just a face and it is going no place.”

“Humbug,” said Long Mustache, and he sheathed his sword in front of the face.

“If the Zank is just a face and is stuck in one place,” started Long Mustache, “then, then, how did it zig? How did it zag? How did it zug? How? It’s of no matter now.”

Long Mustache turned away from the Zank, and when he turned back around the Zank’s face was adorned with a slightly turned down frown.

“What’s with the face, face?” asked Long Mustache.

Zank answered, “I feel sorry for you Long Mustache for you haven’t an eyelash.”

“Keep your empathy for yourself and prepare to walk the plank Zank,” yelled Long Mustache.

Long Mustache ordered a deck hand to pick up the Zank and place it on the plank.

For a yarr dee harr harr, Long Mustache sprayed the Zank’s face with pirate mace, which was easy since the Zank was just a face and was stuck in one place.

Then, just as the Zank was being pushed off the plank, an odd twist of circumstance or perhaps happenstance, as the clouds broke during a final push of a sword poke.

The sunshine reflected off Long Mustache’s sword and everyone halted as Long Mustache yelled, “Oh Lord!”

The sun shone so brightly and caught Long Mustache off guard. With not an eyelash, he was blinded and fell hard.

He tripped and fell, and he fell quite pell mell.

The stumble & bumble made every pirate a jumble.

The ship zigged. The ship zagged. The ship zugged. But, when it started to zeg every pirate lost balance standing only on one leg.

And a wave hit the ship; and all the pirates knew they were in deep, deep… ah… crap.

The Zank witnessed each pirate do one final flup, and that was that as the sea gobbled them up.

Long Mustache and his crew met their demise in front of the Zank and at the hands of the skies.

The Zank, who was only a face, was lucky that day stuck in only one place.

By Sunny Jim

© 2012 James Miller

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About James Miller

James Miller is author of Basie & Paisley Children's Books, including "A Spider Lives In My Belly Button," "A Monstrous Smile," and "A Moose In The Basement."

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