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Satire

A Giant June Bug Wants Me Dead

I had one of the strangest experiences last night.  I woke up and I found lying next to me, not my wife, but a giant June bug.

At first I started panicking and hyperventilating.  I noticed that this made the June bug start to stir in his sleep.

See how big it was?

It fluttered its wings ever so gently and it made that gross buzzing sound.

I laid there for what seemed like an hour but was really only 53 minutes.  I had to do something!  I didn’t want to wake the June bug up because I didn’t want it flying all around the room crashing into everything, making that disgusting giant junebug sound.  Plus, I didn’t know if it had to go to work early in the morning.

I slowly tried to creep out of bed.  The whole time, I had been screaming in a sort of whisper.  I accidently let out a little squeek and I knew that was it.  The June bug started fluttering it’s giant, stupid wings.  It was like a tornado in my room, but this tornado didn’t follow the physics of a regular tornado with the high and low pressures coming together.  It was really just a little windy.

I tried to karate-chop the June bug in it’s knees, something I learned from a movie about the far east, but it was too quick for me.  It picked me up and immediately started slamming me into the ground.  It somehow turned on the light and then slammed me into that a few hundred times.

Well, I can tell you that I’m pretty banged up and I probably won’t be into work today.

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About Jason Gooley

Thank you for your interest in me. Where do I start? Well, I guess I'm made up of about the average amount of cells. Let's see...2 arms, 2 legs...Yeah that sounds like me.

Discussion

5 thoughts on “A Giant June Bug Wants Me Dead

  1. All you need is a deep-fryer and you’ve got an authentic eastern snack – bug-on-a-stick.

    Posted by MrTheKidd | May 8, 2012, 8:05 am
  2. I have a feeling that the bug will be using the same excuse not to go to work this morning

    Posted by List of X | May 8, 2012, 12:24 am

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