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7 Ways To Outsmart A Tornado

It’s Severe Weather Awareness week and with the threat of tornadoes upon us, I feel it important to remind you of some important safety tips. Last year around this time, I brought you some crucial information on Tornado Safety. Unfortunately, none of you listened and most of you were killed by tornadoes. Therefore, I’ve compiled … Continue reading

How My Pet Monkey Ruined My Job Interview

Despite my failed interview at the Rocking Chair Factory, I felt I had this one in the bag.  I was nailing every question, the conversation was comfortable and I had offered my interviewer a stick of gum several times, just like all of the experts recommend. “Everything looks great,” the interviewer looked at me with … Continue reading

Hey Bob! Am I Fired?

“Hey Bob! Am I fired?” It was the first thing out of his mouth every morning. “No your not fired, and it’s pronounced boss.” I responded every morning, rolling my eyes in frustration. He had been my best friend for ten years and still didn’t remember my name or how to pronounce boss. We had the … Continue reading

Job Hunt Trickery: How Employers Are Using The Soft Economy To Pull Heartless Pranks

Finding a job in this tough economy can be difficult and frustrating.  Unfortunately, some employers are using the recession as an opportunity to pull heartless pranks.  I learned this lesson during a recent interview I had with a Mister Armstrong at the rocking chair factory.  I was as nervous as could be, but tried to … Continue reading

Bridge Over Troybled Water. See What I Did There? Well, Hopefully You Will After You Read This

In the continuing battle between my nemesis Troy and I, I have decided to construct a fairly good-sized moat around my property. If Troy wants to build a fence, that’s fine.  But what he won’t be expecting can’t hurt him.  And what I mean by “can’t” is “can”.  My moat will have the biggest dragon he has … Continue reading

Film Review: 12 Confusing Plot Changes In Titanic 3-D

Over the weekend, I had a chance to see the much acclaimed rerelease of Titanic in 3D. While admittedly the film is visually spectacular, there were many confusing, unnecessary and even disturbing changes to the plot.  Luckily, I was keeping a journal as I was watching the film.  Here are my notes: -In the opening … Continue reading

Hunger Games Q&A

Recently, we sat down with Suzanne Collins to discuss Hunger Games, which, as we’re told, she authored and became a blockbuster hit. So far, we have been unable to verify that information, and we clear the air with Suzanne. AOAP:   Suzanne thanks for joining us today. Is that your real name? Suzanne? SC:          What? Yes, of course … Continue reading

9 Signs That You’re A Crappy Superhero

If you’re like many superheroes, you spend your time contemplating ways to foil criminal masterminds, but have you ever stopped to think ‘am I doing a good job?’  The public, for the sake of manners, will often act like they’re awed by a superhero, but then will make fun of that superhero behind his or her … Continue reading

Operation: DesTroy – The Next Step In My Feud With The Neighbor

With my enemy Troy at the gates, I have decided that the best offense is a good offense.  So I have decided to give him a taste of his own medicine, NyQuil. But before I do that, I have to tell you about my latest plan.  I have built a life size replica of myself … Continue reading

8 Signs That I’ve Won The Lottery

Last Friday’s world record jackpot sparked a lottery ticket buying frenzy.  On advice from experts, I will never flat out reveal if I won the money or not.  To the average person, I’ll appear to be the same old Tim.  However, there are some small signs that I’m a few hundred million dollars richer: -I’m no … Continue reading

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