Transformers 4 – Problems With The First Draft Of The Script

One of Hollywoods biggest franchises, The Transformers, may be in for yet another sequel. We managed to get our hands on a copy of the first draft of the script.  However, after reading notes made by studio executives, there is much doubt if this film will ever get made:

Robert, loved the script!  It’s bound to be a summer blockbuster!  Before we give this one the green light, however, we’re going to have to ask you to make some changes:

 P. 1

Within the opening action sequence, you’ve written a note to the director that reads “make sure you remove the price tags from all of the Transformers before you start using them.”  So you know, he is planning to use CGI, not toys to shoot this film.  Also, we should not open the film with the Transformers theme song performed by a slide whistle orchestra as you suggest here.  Let’s just stick with a regular orchestra.

P. 10

It only takes the robots a few seconds to transform, there is no need to call for a brief intermission each time.

P. 17

While having the main character dreaming that Megatron is still alive serves as a good precursor to the action to come, you should actually show the dream, not the character sleeping for 30 minutes and you definitely should not show him sleeping in real time.

P.27

Here Starscream vows to return to Earth with the greatest army of evil ever assembled, consisting of himself, Skeletor, Cobra, Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Saddam Hussein’s ghost and Global Warming.  Let’s just stick to other Transformers only.

P.31

Optimus Prime keeps expressing concern that Megatron is after his Lucky Charms.  This is not a good motivation for the conflict in this film, especially given the fact that Megatron never expresses interest in Prime’s Lucky Charms.  Not only that, we never see Lucky Charms in the entire film.

P. 39

Megatron can fly.  Why is he chasing after the Autobots in a hot air balloon?

P. 52

We realize you’re trying to bring in some romance, but the human/robot makeout scene involving Megan Fox and Bumblebee is just odd, despite your calls for “super romantic music” and “super romantic lighting.”  Even more bizarre are your instructions and Ms. Fox be “severely shocked” each time her lips meet Bumblebee’s.  Why would she keep kissing him?

P. 60

This is the third time you’ve called for full frontal robot nudity.  We don’t know what that is, but we’re sure it’s not appropriate for this film.

P. 68

In the 1980’s, Sideswipe transformed into a sports car.  We don’t understand your decision to bring him back as a toilet that transforms into a slightly larger toilet.

P.84

What does Starscream mean when he tells Megatron, “I can’t quit you”?

P. 99

It makes no sense to have Optimus Prime complaining about the 60 pounds he gained since the last film.  First of all, robots can’t gain weight.  Second of all, you should never have the characters of a movie reference the fact that they are in a movie.

P.102

R2D2 was never a Transformer.

P. 110

This may be the most bizarre ending we’ve ever seen.  At the climax of the film, you have Optimus Prime and the Autobots racing to battle the Decepticons and on their way they stop to check out the sun setting over the Pacific.  After a ten minute argument over whether or not it’s the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen, Optimus Prime looks at his watch and says “crap, we forgot to battle the Decepticons!  Oh well, I’m sure every thing worked out just fine.”  After that the film just ends and the credits roll.  We need a more satisfying ending.

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