It’s Severe Weather Awareness week and with the threat of tornadoes upon us, I feel it important to remind you of some important safety tips. Last year around this time, I brought you some crucial information on Tornado Safety. Unfortunately, none of you listened and most of you were killed by tornadoes. Therefore, I’ve compiled the following 7 crucial tips to keep you safe. 
1) If you’re driving and ever sucked up inside of a tornado, ALWAYS KEEP YOUR WHEEL SHARPLY TURNED. If your tires straighten out in the least you will be shot right out of the tornado.
2) Once you reach the top of the tornado you have two options. One, you must QUICKLY shift your vehicle in reverse and back yourself all the way down OR….
3) Keep driving and wait for the next tornado to come along and take that down. The danger here is that you could be stuck for a long time waiting for the next tornado, it could take years. Often times, when people suddenly vanish and they turn up years later, this is what has happened to them.
4) Firing a gun at a tornado may slow it down, but it will NOT stop it. It’s best to stay in the basement.
5) If you hear a tornado siren go off, destroy everything around you in sight. Once the tornado approaches, it will think another tornado has already been there and spin away.
6) The tornado’s natural enemy is the volcano. Now creating a volcano in your back yard can be dangerous, so it’s best to create a sort of “scare-tornado,” a fake volcano that you can set up in your backyard. However, keep in mind that the fake volcano will only work if you use real lava and you figure out some way to make it erupt.
7) You can also set up a trap for the tornado. This is simple to make. Just dig a hole in your backyard and cover it with grass. Then, when the tornado falls inside, fill the hole in quickly. All of your problems will be done. Except for the massive earthquakes that this will cause.
Following these 7 steps will assure a safe and short tornado season*
*advice may or may not lead to shorter tornado season.
Brian Croitori
Jason Gooley
Lindsay Tacia
List of X
Randy Shy
James Miller
Stickwick Stapers
Todd Daggett
Army Of Awesome People 
I wish I had this advice on Saturday when I was hunkered down in the basement. I’m going to start on my pseudo-volcano so I’ll be ready for next time!
Posted by Kathryn Mattson | April 16, 2012, 9:27 pmI’m glad you made it Kathryn. Just remember tornadoes are more scared of you than you are of them
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 17, 2012, 4:01 amI’ll go down guns blazing.
Posted by Kathryn Mattson | April 17, 2012, 9:25 amThat’s badass! You just went up 3 notches in my book.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 17, 2012, 8:16 pmWhat about nightriders car, different rules for that?
Posted by myjourney2healthy | April 16, 2012, 6:00 pmThe rules apply DOUBLE for Nightriders car
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 17, 2012, 4:02 amhaha
Posted by myjourney2healthy | April 17, 2012, 9:49 amI’ve found that the hole-in-the-ground technique works best if it’s deep enough to contain a trailer park as bait.
Posted by gravitasbaby | April 16, 2012, 11:53 amgood tip. tornadoes love those things. one time I saw a tornado approaching a trailer park and it started licking its lips
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 16, 2012, 4:14 pmThere is another way: set up a perimeter of wind turbines around your house. Then, according to the Murphy’s law, a tornado, or any wind in general, will not come near your house.
Posted by List of X | April 16, 2012, 10:50 amFight torandoes with tornadoes. I like it.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 16, 2012, 4:07 pm“wait for the next tornado”… So it is like waiting for public transportation? Is that why when tornadoes are coming they sound like a freight train?
Posted by becca3416 | April 16, 2012, 9:18 amExactly! And they’re about as reliable as public transportation.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 16, 2012, 4:06 pmThanks for such great advice. I have never witnessed one thankfully.
Posted by Newfoundland Traveller | April 16, 2012, 4:54 amIf you ever do, follow these instructions!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 16, 2012, 4:05 pmSound advice. Any tips on precipitating the end of Titanic Centenary season?
Posted by minlit | April 16, 2012, 1:55 amUnfortunately no, however it’s never too early to start preparing for the bicentennial
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 16, 2012, 4:04 pm