Despite my failed interview at the Rocking Chair Factory, I felt I had this one in the bag. I was nailing every question, the conversation was comfortable and I had offered my interviewer a stick of gum several times, just like all of the experts recommend.
“Everything looks great,” the interviewer looked at me with a smile. “Oh, if I could just get your resume.”
I froze in fear. I had forgotten to bring my resume to the interview. In a panic, I reached for a stick of gum. I opened my briefcase and inside was my pet monkey, Chip Dip. In his hand was a folder.
The monkey had printed my resume.
“Chip Dip you magnificent…” I began.
“Excuse me?” the interviewer asked.
“Here,” I replied. “Here’s my resume.”
“Excellent,” he took the paper and glanced over it. “Well this resume doesn’t make any sense. It’s all gibberish.”
“What? Let me see…” I grabbed the paper from his hand. The monkey had used the wrong font.
“CHIP DIP!!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, “YOU USED WING DING FONT ON MY RESUME!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“What are you…” The interviewer began, but at that point Chip Dip leapt out of my briefcase.
I chased Chip Dip around the office and then 45 minutes all the way home until the monkey escaped by hopping into the bicycle basket of a child who happened to ride by.
The next day my doorbell rang. I opened the door to find Chip Dip, holding an envelope.
“An apology card, Chip Dip? Well, I accept.”
I opened the envelope. It was a letter from the mafia wanting me to do a job. The monkey had signed me up for the mob.
“CHIP DIP!!!!” I shouted.
Not sure why I keep that thing.
More Chip Dip…