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Satire

How My Pet Monkey Ruined My Job Interview

Despite my failed interview at the Rocking Chair Factory, I felt I had this one in the bag.  I was nailing every question, the conversation was comfortable and I had offered my interviewer a stick of gum several times, just like all of the experts recommend.

“Everything looks great,” the interviewer looked at me with a smile.  “Oh, if I could just get your resume.”

I froze in fear. I had forgotten to bring my resume to the interview.  In a panic, I reached for a stick of gum.  I opened my briefcase and inside was my pet monkey, Chip Dip.  In his hand was a folder.

The monkey had printed my resume.

“Chip Dip you magnificent…” I began.

“Excuse me?” the interviewer asked.

“Here,” I replied. “Here’s my resume.”

“Excellent,” he took the paper and glanced over it.  “Well this resume doesn’t make any sense.  It’s all gibberish.”

“What? Let me see…” I grabbed the paper from his hand.  The monkey had used the wrong font.

“CHIP DIP!!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, “YOU USED WING DING FONT ON MY RESUME!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“What are you…” The interviewer began, but at that point Chip Dip leapt out of my briefcase.

I chased Chip Dip around the office and then 45 minutes all the way home until the monkey escaped by hopping into the bicycle basket of a child who happened to ride by.

The next day my doorbell rang.  I opened the door to find Chip Dip, holding an envelope.

“An apology card, Chip Dip? Well, I accept.”

I opened the envelope.  It was a letter from the mafia wanting me to do a job.  The monkey had signed me up for the mob.

“CHIP DIP!!!!” I shouted.

Not sure why I keep that thing.

More Chip Dip…

The Day My Pet Monkey Screwed Me Over

How My Pet Monkey Ruined New Years

My Pet Monkey Ruined My Kitchen

My Pet Monkey Ruined My Car

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About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

Discussion

14 thoughts on “How My Pet Monkey Ruined My Job Interview

  1. Better than felt tip font…….Chip Dip for the win!

    Posted by Martha Cecilia (Alice) | April 14, 2012, 12:23 am
  2. Reblogged this on Sink the Boat and commented:
    “The monkey had signed me up for the mob.” rivals “Colorless green ideas sleep furiously” in the ‘Language has infinite combinations’ department…

    Posted by Mac'N'Cheese Dinner | April 13, 2012, 11:24 am
  3. Luv ya Chip Dip … if he kicks you out you can come to Australia and live with me 😉

    Posted by kelsgonebush | April 13, 2012, 9:35 am
  4. Oh Chip Dip. It seems that he’s always “wing”ing it.

    Posted by the home tome | April 13, 2012, 5:51 am
  5. smart monkey …hehe

    Posted by itssrijana | April 13, 2012, 12:13 am

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: The time my pet monkey didn’t take well to the new dog « Army Of Awesome People - August 1, 2012

  2. Pingback: How My Pet Monkey Cost Us The Championship « Army Of Awesome People - June 18, 2012

  3. Pingback: The Time My Pet Monkey Ruined The Twilight Series « Army Of Awesome People - May 14, 2012

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