Over the weekend, I had a chance to see the much acclaimed rerelease of Titanic in 3D. While admittedly the film is visually spectacular, there were many confusing, unnecessary and even disturbing changes to the plot. Luckily, I was keeping a journal as I was watching the film. Here are my notes:
-In the opening scene, the Titanic immediately begins to sink in the harbor after it is Christened with a bottle of champagne. It seems unlikely that a bottle of champagne could rip a hole in the side of any ship, let alone one billed as “unsinkable.” It is even more strange that passengers continue to board the vessel after this incident.
-In the scene where the treasure hunter meets the now elderly Rose and finds out that she is the woman with the diamond from the nude sketch, it seems unnecessary and disrespectful that he keeps trying not to throw up.
-The scene where a seagull lands on the hull of Titanic and the hull falls off and the ship has to turn around for repairs, again is not only historically inaccurate, but leaves one wondering why anyone would continue a trans-Atlantic voyage on such a vessel.
-We are only 20 minutes into the film and this is the third time that Jack has lost his balance and fallen off the ship after declaring himself “King of the World!”
-Everyone who is seeing this film knows it is 3-D. It is extremely annoying that the characters in the film keep trying to ‘sell’ this fact to us with lines like “Whoa! It’s like we’re right there, out in the audience!”
-Showing Rose getting ready for the ball in real time was a half hour wasted and dramatically slowed
down the film.
-The scene where Jack sketches Rose in the nude – As the flashback comes to an end, we are brought back to the present and the elderly Rose remembering the scene is now inexplicably nude.
-The hot-air balloon chase between Jack and Cal made no sense whatsoever
-Why is it implied that the iceberg is listening to gangsta rap? Icebergs are inanimate objects, they don’t need motivation, like violent lyrics to sink ships.
-As the Titanic is sinking, the first mate bursts into the cabin and shouts “Captain, there’s a king cobra loose somewhere on the ship!” The captain then shouts “damn it, find that snake!” The situation is already as dire as it could be. The fact that there is also a poisonous snake loose on board doesn’t really change things.
-As Jack and Rose are clinging to a debris in the ocean, a Subway sign floats by and Jack says “aw there was a Subway on this ship?!” Such product placement seems inappropriate and distasteful.
-At the end of the film, Rose looks over the edge of the ship, where the Titanic sank and sees the now elderly Jack, with a long beard floating on a board “Where the hell have you been?!” he shouts. It turns out he didn’t die. He was in the ocean all along. Sad, yet comedic trombone music plays and the film ends. Such an ending robs the film of any drama.
Overall, I would give Titanic 3-D 2 thumbs up, if I had 2,000 hands.