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Satire

9 Signs That You’re A Crappy Superhero

If you’re like many superheroes, you spend your time contemplating ways to foil criminal masterminds, but have you ever stopped to think ‘am I doing a good job?’  The public, for the sake of manners, will often act like they’re awed by a superhero, but then will make fun of that superhero behind his or her back.  Here are 9 ways to tell for sure if you’re a crappy superhero: 

Picture from the film Super Grover Vs. Predator

-Everyone thinks the “S” on your chest stands for “sucks”

-Instead of boots and a cape, your uniform consists of tap shoes and a long dickey

-What you call your superhero vehicle, most people would call the city bus

-Your hideout is at the top of a McDonalds Play Place

-Your sidekick is a seahorse

-You refuse to stay out past your bed time

-Your archenemy is your own bladder

-You have an acute fear of criminals, the dark, costumes,  fighting and surprising people

-Your one superhero power: The ability to beat any deal on a mattress

-Instead of “Up, Up & Away!” your catch phrase is the far less memorable “I’m about to leave!”

Dickey concealed under sweater. Photo also from "Super Grover Vs. Predator"

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About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

Discussion

14 thoughts on “9 Signs That You’re A Crappy Superhero

  1. Errr….*dickey*. Like the author. Not like the clothing brand. But like the piece of clothing its referring to. Sorry.

    Posted by radiosilencer | April 6, 2012, 11:00 am
  2. Grover, dickie, bladder as arch enemy…..hysterical.

    Posted by radiosilencer | April 6, 2012, 10:57 am
  3. You forgot “You’re dead.”

    Posted by therivercharley | April 4, 2012, 10:40 pm
  4. A seahorse? I’m sorry but that does not fall under the crappy superhero listing! those things are vicious! …..if you are plankton.

    Posted by EzraWontShutUp | April 4, 2012, 4:52 pm
  5. Reblogged this on saaaam29 and commented:
    🙂

    Posted by saaaam29 | April 4, 2012, 7:27 am
  6. So that’s where I’m going wrong….

    Posted by minlit | April 4, 2012, 2:50 am

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