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Life Is One Big Game

I’m not sure how many of you know what I do for a living, but I can tell you that it involves taking people to jail. Last night, I was burning the midnight oil when a call came in.  There was  someone strutting around naked downtown.  The suspect was described as a black and white, mustachioed male … Continue reading

9 Signs Your Cow Is Mad

America’s first case of Mad Cow disease in almost six years was discovered this week in California.  The finding has prompted many people to ask ‘is my cow mad too?’ Here are 9 signs she might be: 9. She didn’t wish you a happy birthday on your Facebook page. 8. Instead of saying ‘moo’ when you walk by, … Continue reading

Lactose Intolerance

Customer: Excuse me sir, I am very thirsty for milk and I cannot seem to find your dairy section. Clerk : That’s because earlier today we had a milk explosion and it took out the entire dairy section including cheese, butter, cows, beans, celery, water and your precious milk… sorry. Customer: Oh My! Why don’t … Continue reading

Americans Are Feeling Totally Aussie

It’s an exciting time in America right now. Americans across the country have Aussie fever as a new Hollywood star has emerged with the release of Crocodile Dundee… Paul Hogan. One can hear Americans everywhere throwing out Australian slang – at home, at Outback Steakhouse, in the reptile house at the zoo, in the men’s … Continue reading

Transformers 4 – Problems With The First Draft Of The Script

One of Hollywoods biggest franchises, The Transformers, may be in for yet another sequel. We managed to get our hands on a copy of the first draft of the script.  However, after reading notes made by studio executives, there is much doubt if this film will ever get made: Robert, loved the script!  It’s bound … Continue reading

The Road That Hasn’t Been Traveled Any More Or Any Less Than The Other One.

Sometimes I like to close my eyes and daydream that I am on a sandy beach with a warm breeze a’blowin.  Unfortunately that is when I wake up and find my room filled with sand and I have cuddled up with the hair dryer again. It was during one of these instances that I realized … Continue reading

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Ted Nugent Explains Violent Political Comments

(It’s been a rough week for the Secret Service. First, a prostitution scandal has cast a shadow over the agency and has wrecked the Secret Service’s reputation for being good tippers. On top of that, they had to interview Ted Nugent, after the ‘Motor City Mad Man’ told the NRA he will be “dead or in jail” if … Continue reading

Lessons In Landscaping Learned The Hard Way – True Stories From 1995 Lawn Boy

If your boss is drunk by lunch and invites himself on vacation with you to your buddy’s cabin and insists on going no matter what you say, here is some advice. Tell him he can go with you and that you will call him later with the address, but the cell phone service is spotty at … Continue reading

Bubble, Bubble, I’m In Trouble

Way back in the day, I attended a Festival de la Renaissance.  At this festival, I was challenged by the most deadly of ladders, the Jacob’s Ladder. I took the challenge from the barking idiot in the puffy pants.  I approached the ladder with due caution.  This was no ordinary ladder.  It carried the spirit … Continue reading

That’s What She (Actually) Said Redux

Earlier this year we conducted one of our very scientific surveys related to the statement that everyone in the world says every single day – That’s what she said. We visited our local Cracker Barrel to get the lowdown on one question… “What does she actually say?” It was brought to our attention after we … Continue reading

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