Advertisements
//
fall in
Satire

Spring, And All The Preventing That Comes With It

Well, it’s springtime.  Which means I have been working diligently on my lawn to get it ready for the year.

A couple of days ago, I applied the first installment of fertilizer for the year.  It is important to get a crabgrass preventer down early on in the season.  Unfortunatly the experts don’t tell you what you should really apply to your lawn.

Instead of crabgrass preventer, I should have gone with the basic crab preventer.  You see, I have a crab that lives in my yard.  It’s not a particuarly big one and not really very scary.  But this year the crab decided to apply grass preventer to my lawn.  So now I have nothing left but dirt and criss-crossing crab tracks.

With this new development, I am sending away for extra-strength dirt preventer.  This way I hope to start fresh with a yard full of whatever it is that is under dirt.

In other news, it appears that my neighbor will be extending our shared fence to keep his dog in.  “Well, well, well.”  I say to that.  “Looks like someone has grown a pair”.  “Thanks for keeping me in the loop, Troy”!

“Maybe I wanted to surprise you with the longest fence you have ever seen!  One that was made out of gold and diamonds and felt!  One that would not only keep your dog in, but also you and everyone else.  It would be 800 feet tall with spires and balconies and cannons!  It would be the envy of all the land!  Kings and queens would come from afar just to be in the presence of the fence!  And you would stand on top of it, and I would push you off and see how you like being blindsided by a neighbor!”

I probably won’t build that fence thing that I was talking about.  I don’t really know you very well and I like to sleep in.

Now if you’ll excuse me Troy, I hear my crab just bought some Jason preventer.

Advertisements

About Jason Gooley

Thank you for your interest in me. Where do I start? Well, I guess I'm made up of about the average amount of cells. Let's see...2 arms, 2 legs...Yeah that sounds like me.

Discussion

6 thoughts on “Spring, And All The Preventing That Comes With It

  1. Ha!! Felt. Nice choice.

    Posted by radiosilencer | April 2, 2012, 1:10 pm
  2. Nicely done!

    Posted by The Hook | April 2, 2012, 9:11 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Advertisements

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 4,324 other followers

Divided and/or Conquered

  • 134,920 hits

Tweet The Army

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Categories

%d bloggers like this: