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The Horrible, Horrible Time Brad Pitt Visited The Office

Movie Star Brad Pitt came by the office recently to shoot a film.  I knew the ladies at work would be upset they missed seeing this ‘Hollywood hunk’ so I kept the following journal, carefully detailing Pitt’s visit so they would feel as if they were there.

Dear Ladies,

As you may have heard, Brad Pitt paid a visit to our office yesterday to shoot a scene in an upcoming film.  I have to say, you didn’t miss much.

First of all, he had a huge beer gut.  Secondly, he had really bad B.O.

Also, he kept burping.  Loud ear piercing burps.  Like, my ears were ringing when he left.

He had a hand full of paper and I know he saw the recycling box, but instead he threw them on the ground.  And I don’t mean the floor, I mean he went outside and threw them on the ground.

Then he came back inside with his arms full of half empty pop bottles from his car and he asked where in the woods he could find the highest concentration of cute animals and headed in that direction.

When he came back he was eating a huge Wendy’s burger, a Triple Decker with bacon I believe.  He had ketchup and mayo dripping from his lips and he wiped them on some old lady’s sleeve and he said “let’s do this” and when he said it he had a bunch of chewed up hamburger in his mouth.

The director asked him where he had he been and he replied ‘if I said I was buying cigarettes for kids would you think I was a bad person?”

When the director said yes, Pitt grabbed him by the collar, tossed him into the elevator and pressed every button before closing the door.

Then he grabbed a production assistant’s arm, bit it and said ‘that’s from Interview With The Vampire.’

Then he said ‘I’m hungry’ and opened a can of peaches that had been collected for the homeless and dumped them onto a guy who was about to retire’s leftovers and threw them out the window.

Then he shouted ‘here’s a free movie for ya’ll’ and jumped up on a desk and started violently shaking his hips. Then he jumped down and tried to collect $20 from everyone.

Then he picked up a megaphone and shouted ‘the South will rise again!’ and kicked the Humane Society’s pet of the week before storming out of the office.

I will say, however, seeing a movie star like Brad Pitt in person was a cool experience.

Sincerely,

Tim

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About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

Discussion

25 thoughts on “The Horrible, Horrible Time Brad Pitt Visited The Office

  1. ha ha u are so funny man 😛

    Posted by Creative Donkey | May 1, 2012, 3:48 am
  2. lol… this is funny.

    Posted by DVR | April 11, 2012, 3:46 am
  3. Thats it ! Between your freshly pressed lotto post and this one I am now gonna have to follow your blog 😉

    Can you please take the piss out of Angelina next ? Cant stand her !!!

    Posted by kelsgonebush | April 3, 2012, 12:16 am
  4. This is probably the most awesome post I have ever read.

    Posted by Lisa Moser | April 2, 2012, 8:57 pm
  5. Omg. Thank you for that incredible laugh.

    Posted by genesismeranda | April 2, 2012, 4:25 pm
  6. That reminds me of that one time I used a bathroom stall after Brad Pitt. It smelled good. …A little TOO good. And then that’s when I realized I wasn’t in a bathroom at all; I was at the DMV. Ahh, I can remember that great DMV smell now…I remember seeing that smell in liquid sweat form, glistening on Brad Pitt’s body as he walked out of that police interceptor, hands cuffed, dreams dashed as he whispered loudly to an awestruck S.W.A.T. Team: “I CAN BREAK THESE CUFFS!!!$%!%”. It was that moment where I realized I needed to pay extra for a chauffeur license instead of an operator license. My God, it was a mess.

    Posted by kevvy1231 | March 29, 2012, 9:49 am
  7. hahahaha, no way!! he couldnt have been tht groce! lol!

    Posted by sheznitt | March 29, 2012, 2:25 am

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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