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My Pet Monkey Ruined My Car

I was just about to head out to get an oil change the other day when I heard some clanking and clamoring coming from the garage.  I opened to door and turned on the light to see nothing out of the ordinary.  Then, all of the sudden, my pet monkey Chip Dip slid out from beneath my car.

Chip Dip!

“Ah!” I shouted, startled.  Then I realized….

The monkey had changed my oil.

Pleased that this would save me a trip to the dealer, I heartily thanked Chip Dip.

“I guess this gives new meaning to the phrase ‘grease monkey,’ eh Chip Dip?” I remarked.

The monkey just stared at me with a blank look on his face.

“I guess you might say, you’ve chimped my ride, eh Chip Dip?” I asked.

The monkey looked at me a while longer, then dropped his wrench and went inside.

I then grabbed my belongings and headed out to run some errands.  About two miles down the road my car began to sputter.  After a couple of gasps, it completely stalled out.  I got out and looked beneath my vehicle, to see oil leaking everywhere.

“CHIP DIP!!!!!!” I screamed when I arrived home.  “YOU FORGOT TO REPLACE MY OIL FILTER!!!!!!”

I then looked down to see my pet monkey pouring Diet Pepsi through the device he had removed from my car.

“CHIP DIP!!!!!”  I screamed.

I chased the monkey around my house for 45 minutes until he finally managed to escape through an open window.

I awoke the next morning to hear a familiar and strange sound.  I realized it was the sound of my car, revving its engine in the garage.

I went out to investigate, to find Chip Dip, sitting in the drivers seat.

“Chip Dip,” I said in grateful astonishment, “you got my car running again!”

The monkey looked at me and shrugged, then put my car in drive and plowed it right into the kitchen.

“CHIP DIP!!!!”  I screamed.

I don’t know why I keep that thing

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About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

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