Archive for

Spring, And All The Preventing That Comes With It

Well, it’s springtime.  Which means I have been working diligently on my lawn to get it ready for the year. A couple of days ago, I applied the first installment of fertilizer for the year.  It is important to get a crabgrass preventer down early on in the season.  Unfortunatly the experts don’t tell you … Continue reading

The Horrible, Horrible Time Brad Pitt Visited The Office

Movie Star Brad Pitt came by the office recently to shoot a film.  I knew the ladies at work would be upset they missed seeing this ‘Hollywood hunk’ so I kept the following journal, carefully detailing Pitt’s visit so they would feel as if they were there. Dear Ladies, As you may have heard, Brad … Continue reading

Wyatt Earp a.k.a. Wyatt Burp

The day started dry, sunny and full of whirling dust that often became dirt devils sweeping through the town, which led to a late morning of tumble weeds blowin’ through the streets. The tumble weeds and dirt devils gave way to a stormy afternoon; and when the rain drops the cowboys and skirts head straight … Continue reading

Lessons In Landscaping Learned The Hard Way – True Stories From 1995 Lawn Boy

If your boss is drunk by lunch and demands to have sunscreen rubbed on his drunken back, don’t laugh at the poor sap that get’s stuck doing it and call him “Lotion Boy”. One day “Lotion Boy” is going to quit and someone will have to take his place.

The “Do’s and Do’s” Of Rushing.

Some of you might remember back in high school when the gang would “rush” somebody.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with the tradition, it involves several gentleman zeroing in on one person (usually one of the female persuasion) and picking them up, only to set them on the floor so they were sitting … Continue reading

Lessons In Landscaping Learned The Hard Way – True Stories From 1995 Lawn Boy

If your boss is drunk by lunch time and you are the one chosen to run to the store to buy him more beer, you had better make it snappy or your drunk boss will get very angry. In fact, he may scream something like “A man could die of thirst waiting for (expletive) to … Continue reading

Food Is Pretty Good If You Would Just Give It A Chance

“Did you have Taco Bell for lunch today?”  Sara asked me. “Maybe.”  I said “And did we just have KFC for dinner?” “No.”  I replied. But the truth was I did eat at both of those restaurants that day.  And I paid dearly for it later on in the bathroom. The End.

And The Worst College Mascot Is…..

Watching March Madness NCAA Basketball action was bittersweet for me on Sunday. Bitter, because my bracket was busted, thanks to losses from Duke and Missouri, combined with the fact that the schools I wrote in on my bracket never showed up to play (thanks for nothing Wayne County Community College and Fort Lauderdale Institute of Culinary Arts) Sweet, however, … Continue reading

Movie classics you’ve seen that need sequels. That’s right, sequels, plural

With the box office successes of the Batman and Transformer films, movie executives should realize that sequels are always hits.  Since the dawn of film, there have been several successful movies that did well at the box office, but were never sequelized.  Sometimes, studios just don’t know how to continue on with a classic.  Luckily, we have … Continue reading

The Lamest Super Power Ever

As a kid I had always wanted to have super powers. I would dream of what it would be like to be able to fly, be invisible or have super human strength. I was absolutely certain that I would develop a super power some day and waited with great anticipation, waking up every morning trying … Continue reading

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 4,309 other subscribers

Divided and/or Conquered

  • 169,742 hits

Tweet The Army

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.